Life

I couldn't get my life back

I couldn't save myself

All the words of my mother hang heavy over me

It's summer in texas, 2003

I dissociate

The world around me fades

There is no self

If there is no one else

So I isolate

And suppress discomfort

And I sacrifice

Any shred of my own self-worth

While I put so much faith

In my open eyes

I have never felt so lonely

And desperate

I couldn't get my life back

I didn't stand a chance

All the pain within my past

Weighs heavy on my heart

The euphoria won't last

It'll tear your life apart

I feel the same

The world around me changed

It is a mess

And I could not make sense

Of the brave new world I navigate alone

Or my hyper-vulnerability I now call home

'Cause I put so much trust in their shifting words

And I have never felt so stupid

And useless

Before

But it is all my fault

I never should have trusted them

It's easy to smile and wave

To tell them one thing to their face

It's hard to tell the truth

Yeah, it is all my fault

But how could I have known that

What people call low self-esteem

Is really just seeing yourself the way other people see you?

I couldn't get my life back