Ben Colder's History Book

Good Evenin' Ladies and Gentlemen of the Historical Society

You know in discussing history

Some people say well it's over and done with so let's forget about it

But we should remember we should remember Nathan Hale

Patrick Henry Tennessee Ernie Grandpa Jones

Oh my subject for this evening is great moments in American history

I'd like to start with the Boston Tea Party

I just like to start with a party

Well you know what they were doin' is they were protestin' against taxes

(Remember the Alamo) Sit down Tex I said taxes

Now it is true that George Washington was the father of our country

He admitted it he said I can't not tell a lie I did it with my little hatchet

Oh no I guess that was another story

Anyway George had this friend that just loved horseback ridin'

His name was Paul Revere

And one time he went out ridin' across the country side in the middle of the night

And yellin' and wakin' everybody up

He might 've been at one of them Tea Parties

Anyway this girl named Betsy Ross

Well she was up late doing some sewin' so she flagged him down

She said Paul Revere you'd better cut out all that yell'in'

Don't you know the British are comin'

It was Nathan Hale who said

I regret that I only have one life to give for my country

Them sun of a guns said aww that's alright we'll just take the one you got

And Ole Patrick Henry jumped up and said

I know not what course others may take but as for me

That all girl chorus looks pretty good

And it was at Bunker Hill

That somebody said don't shoot till you see the whites of their eyes

Well the trouble with that was

Them Red Coats had been on a wild party the night before

You couldn't tell their red coats from their red eyes

And who can ever forget when Admiral Dewey said to his capitan

You may fire goodly when ready so he fired goodly

As you probably know Ben Franklin was one of the luckiest guys in all history

But you know one cold winter day the gas company turned off his utilities

He asked 'em to turn 'em back on but they told him to go fly a kite

He did and invented electricity won an all electric home

Course the gas company didn't get much of a charge out of that

Now in closing I'd like to give you Lincoln's Gettysburg address

It's 117 1/2 East 6th Street I don't know the zip code