Army

Well I thought about the army

Dad said, son you're fucking high

And I thought, yeah there's a first for everything

So I took my old man's advice

Three sad semesters

It was only fifteeen grand spent in bed

I thought about the army

I dropped out and joined a band instead

Grew a moustache and a mullet

Got a job at Chick-Fil-A

Citing artistic differences

The band broke up in May

And in June reformed without me

And they'd got a different name

I nuked another grandma's apple pie

And hung my head in shame

I've been thinking a lot today

I've been thinking a lot today

Oh, I think I'll write a screenplay

Oh, I think I'll take it to LA

Oh, I think I'll get it done yesterday

In this time of introspection

On the eve of my election

I say to my reflection

God, please spare me more rejection

'Cause my peers they criticize me

And my ex-wives all despise me

Try to put it all behind me

But my redneck past is nipping at my heels

I've been thinking a lot today

I've been thinking a lot today

I've been thinking a lot today

I thought about the army...