Andy The Frog

Once upon a time, there was a frog named Andy

Andy lived at the Patten Park Pond

And had never hopped anywhere else his entire frog life

He had 3 best friends

Millie, who never left her lily pad

Billie, who was always hopping mad

And Roger, who was arrested for possession of tadpole porn

So one day, Andy saw something hop across the grass on the other side of the pond!

Millie, Billie, Roger, look! Said Andy

Across the pond stood the most beautiful frog that Andy had ever seen

"She's gorgeous!" said Millie

"She's beautiful!" said Billie

Bit old for my taste, said Roger

(Classic Roger)

And then she was gone

I need to go find her, said Andy, I need to follow my little frog heart

So Andy followed the beautiful frogs footsteps into the forest

He then came across a turtle

You can't pass! Said the turtle

Please? Said Andy

No, said the turtle

(And uh, this is the first long, convoluted simile)

Then, there was a rustling in the bushes

And like a man who had been shot in the chest with a rifle

The turtle was shot in the chest with a rifle

Andy kept moving, but at this point

Like the doctor of a Kenyan track team

His patience ran thin

Andy kept moving

He then came across a giant crocodile

And the crocodile began to chant

I woke up this morning and I sat on a log

I opened up the menu and the menu said frog

Andy said: NO! No, please let go of me

I can feel myself dying, you're ripping up my insides

I'm never gonna find her am I, there's no God is there, fuck, fuck!

The End

If you're curious the moral of that story is irrelevant

Because we're humans, and it was about a

Why would it apply to us?