Ironic

(I believe in the Zodiac

Yeah, I do, I'm a Leo, I love Titanic

Uh, this is something a little bit mor-

Something a little bit morbidly ironic, my grandmother

Uh, she was a Cancer and

She was actually killed by a giant crab

This is a song about the idea of irony

So strap in!)

My dog's stomach was very upset

So I put him in the car and we went to the vet

And on our way to the vet

I killed a cat

Hey, I said isn't that ironic?

I adopted a child from overseas

To rescue him from child labor factories

And on his very first birthday, we went to Build-a-Bear workshop

Isn't that ironic?

Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C?

A water park has burned to the ground, and a

A tow truck has broken down

I always used to cry when I laughed

And then I was raped by a clown

Isn't that ironic?

I was watching Al Gore on CNN

He was talking and talking and talking and then

Out of boredom, my pet polar bear shot himself

Isn't that ironic?

I dated an animal rights activist

And one day, she got really pissed

Because I was eating veal that was wrapped in pita bread

(PETA? Fuck it)

Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C?

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch

And I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncle's "pull-out" couch

Isn't that ironic? I-R-O-N-I-C

Yeah, if everyday you play the board game Risk

You've probably never taken a Risk in your life

And Monopoly has far from a stranglehold on the board game market

A little kid died from suffocation when he choked on a game piece from Operation

And I can't grow a beard

That one's not ironic, that one's just sad

Bob Barker got all of my pets pregnant

My grandfather had Alzheimer's

And one day we were