My Better Half

You filled the hole that pierced my soul,

I promised that i'd find

Someone willing to take a run,

Round pleasures of my mind

Am I perv?

'Cause every nerv is cravin for your touch

You make me laugh, you're my better half,

Though you weigh twice as much

350 pounds of love

You mustve fell from up above

And killed the townspeople below

You had a crush and you let it show

When i want to pleasure you i need an expedition crew

With all those trips to KFC, you eat out more than me.

We look just like the number 10

When you stand next to me

Is it your stare that pulls me in?

Or just gravity

You mix mayonnaise with your scotch

You're the perfect spouse

Last week we went on a whale watch

The boat drove to your house.

350 pounds of pain

when you exhale al gore goes insane

whenever we make out

i taste jam and sauerkraut

we went on a sailing trip you fell and floated beside the ship

then a boat docked on your pants

and said "i claim this island in the name of france."

then you did what i feared you dissapeared

saying this was something new

lyposuction, breast reduction

and what came home wasnt you

no no no no it wasnt you it was

120 pounds of hate,

and you said, "i look great."

and when the nurse removed the fat,

They found the neighbors cat

i just paused and said to her

i loved you just the way you were

then she smiled and for my sake

said, "pass the cake!"