Poems

That's a poem by a dog

Roses are grey

Violets are a different shade of grey

Let's go chase cars

Me, with my strange choice of adjectives

You, with your muscular teeth

And your clockwise vagina

I put a chameleon on a red dildo

No

He blushed

There we go

This is a poem about beauty

About self-image

And about the ability to transform

Martha was ugly like a shaved baboon

So she wrapped herself up in a curtain cocoon

And after a week, she finally emerged

She smelled like shit. What a psycho

You're incomparable, like a

I wanna beat you to death with a blunt object!

I wanna grab one of those high-end fashion mannequins

By the ankles and bash your rib cage in!

I wanna sharpen 50 pencils, bind them with a rubber band

Stick the lead ends in your mouth and punch the erasers!

I wanna strap you to a bed of nails, then strap that bed of nails to the hood of my car

So I can watch you suffer as we drive over the speed bumps in a mall parking lot during an earthquake!

I want you to somehow survive a terrible car crash

And somehow not survive a small fender-bender on the way back from the hospital

Thank you, that's called: Dad

This is a poem, it's really a story that's meant primarily for children

But I think it's got a lesson we could all learn

The squares lived happily in their square houses with their square yards in their square town

But, then one day a family of circles moved in from the West!

Get outta here, roundies! ' shouted one of the squares

Why? , asked one of the circles

'Cause this is a metaphor for racism!

When I walk into a party, you'd think I was one of those long, straight Tetris pieces

Cause everyone's like, 'oh yeah, this guy's here

Finally, we've been waiting for him to show up

Like you wait in the game- forget it, I mean

No! You had your chance

If I had a million dollars, I'd pay your mother to have sex with me

Afterwards, I'd invest in the remaining $999, 990

$10 for sex with your mother!

Comedy!

I smell comedy

Well, it was comedy giving off that scent

And finally

Mid-October with leaves spilled like pencil shavings

The streets dicing our town into neat unfair portions

And me

Eating that pussy, baby!

Thank you guys so much