Rant

All the seats at the Sunday masses

Filled with the mass's massive asses

Classes pass as fast as molasses

Ceremonial reading glasses

Read a little bit of Leviticus

All the kids are a little too little for this

All the parents nod in agreement

I think I can vaguely see what he meant

It's too early in the morning glory

To read another allegory story

The father, reads a little bit farther

Assuring the assured that they need not bother

When God, in verse 45, said that slaves are okay to buy

He meant that people, all from the start

Each have slaves within their hearts

Things, that we have sold or boughten, that are forced to pick our moral cotton

God calls us to set these free, free our hearts from slavery

And then as God goes on to explain the logistics of buying and selling slaves

(Uh, He—ju—the Bible's sorta like

It's like, typos, didn't)

In the back, I sit and I nod to the beats that are bumpin' from my iPod

My God, they're starting to pray

And over the music I can hear them say

Dear God, dear lord, dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword

Dear good all-seeing being, my way or the highway Yahweh

The blue-balled anti-masturbator, the great, all-loving faggot hater

I'd like to thank your holy might for making me both rich and white

And though this is your day of rest, I come to you with one request

There's so much pain beyond this steeple

Wars and drugs and homeless people

Sadness, where there should be joy, hate and rape and Soulja Boy

A world in darkness needs your light, so I'm sure your schedule's pretty tight

But my dog just had surgery if you could fix that first

Jesus?

Debra Messing's fingers in a holy place, "Hail Mary full of grace"

Obama, could you pass some hope to the pope

I know a couple dude's who wanna elope

See the church said, "nope" so the bros can't cope

(The bros can grope but the bros can't cope)

They've been in love, they've been addicted

Who said they shouldn't? Benedict did

Cause in the holy land of the lord he's the holy landlord and dicks are evicted

Cause you can be a benedict if you've been a dick under Benedict but

You can't have benedicts because there's only one pope with only one dick

What? Yeah, a dick on a pope is

Just like a soap on a rope cause it's

Pointless, unless in prison, throw up your bibles, Christ has risen

Hallelujah, now it's raining men

Because the gender ratio is 1 to 10

Winos at the Eucharist station, trans-gendered-substantiation

Jesus wasn't the messiah, get back I'm a heretic and I'm on fire

It was Oedipus, those holy nights

The holy motherfucking Christ

I'm a blasphemer post-Katrina cruising the marina. On a crusade to cruise AIDS

And blast FEMA

You're too late, we're fucked we don't need ya

Amen

In the name of the father, son and holy ghost

Head, shoulders, knees and toes

Turn up your nose, strike that pose

Hey, Macarena