Straight White Male

Guys, I got a lot of problems in my life

I wrote a song about some of the problems in my life

Hope that some of you can relate to it

Here we go

Walking around

I got no one to talk to

There's everyone

And then there's just me

If I could change

Don't you think that I'd do it?

God only knows

Why he cursed me to be

A straight white male

I state my problems

Other people roll their eyes

Three trips to the mall

Zero khakis in my size

I've never been the victim

Of a random search for drugs

But you can't say

My life is easy

Until you've walked a mile in my UGGs

Straight white male

I know the road looks tough ahead

The women want rights

The gays want kids (what?)

Can't you just leave us alone?

And also no to the things you asked for

(They're being greedy

And they know it, okay?)

Everyone thinks that I've got it easy

Just 'cause it's true

Doesn't mean that it's right

So pull up a chair

And put down your pitchforks

Give me a chance

To show you what it is like

To be a straight white male

The churches never made me

Feel ashamed of who I am

But I get emails from Zappos

That Gmail doesn't mark as spam

My country's constitution

Was hand-written by my race

But my wife bought me

The brand new iPhone

With an iPod touch's case

(Case doesn't fit that phone)

Straight white male

I know the road looks tough ahead

The women want rights

The blacks want

Not to be called the blacks (sorry)

Can't you just leave us alone?

And also no to the things you asked for

Straight white male

Knows the road looks tough ahead

The women want rights

The African Ameri-

It doesn't work with the rhythm

We used to have all the money and land

And we still do

But it's not as fun now