Traditional Stand-Up

We got a little serious there

I think "fisting" should be called "upper-cunting"

And we're back

Do you guys like impressions?

(Yeah.)

"Why?" That was Socrates

Older traditional stand-up comics sometimes have problems with me

Because they think I use music and other stuff

And they think I'm a gimmick, I'm a hack, you know, I'm a gimmick comic

And they're such comedy purists, they don't think my comedy can stand on it's own

But the truth is, I'm a comedy purist, too

So I can do comedy without gimmicks

I'll show you that right now

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch?

Names!

For those listening on the CD, I just gave birth to a dove

I love traditional stand-up comedy, don't get me wrong

I love it. I'm a huge fan of traditional stand-up comics

A lot of them are my heroes

And I want to be a traditional stand-up comic

And I've been working on some traditional stand-up material and

It's in its infancy so, please, bare with me, go easy

But this is a bit of my traditional stand-up

My wife, right

We never have sex. Like, ever. Which is really funny

Something else, I never know what she's saying

She'll say something and I'll be like, "pft."

You know, she's constantly emasculating me

And I'm making her resent herself for getting older

So we're looking into a divorce

And, you know, something else that's really funny

She can't drive. The only thing she can drive is

"Drive me crazy," and when she back talks, I hit her