Welcome To The Internet

Welcome to the internet!

Have a look around

Anything that brain of yours

Can think of can be found

We've got mountains of content

Some better, some worse

If none of it's of interest to you

You'd be the first

Welcome to the internet!

Come and take a seat

Would you like to see the news

Or any famous women's feet?

There's no need to panic

This isn't a test, haha

Just nod or shake your head

And we'll do the rest

Welcome to thе internet!

What would you prefеr?

Would you like to fight for civil rights

Or tweet a racial slur?

Be happy! Be horny! Be bursting with rage!

We've got a million different ways to engage

Welcome to the internet!

Put your cares aside

Here's a tip for straining pasta

Here's a nine-year-old who died

We've got movies

And doctors and fantasy sports

And a bunch of colored-pencil drawings

Of all the different characters

In Harry Potter fucking each other

Welcome to the internet!

Hold on to your socks

'Cause a random guy just kindly

Sent you photos of his cock

They are grainy and off-putting

He just sent you more

Don't act surprised

You know you like it, you whore

See a man beheaded,

get offended, see a shrink

Show us pictures of your children

Tell us every thought you think

Start a rumor, buy a broom

Or send a death threat to a boomer

Or dm a girl and groom her

Do a zoom or find a tumor in your—

Here's a healthy breakfast option

You should kill your mom

Here's why women never fuck you

Here's how you can build a bomb

Which power ranger are you?

Take this quirky quiz

Obama sent the immigrants

To vaccinate your kids

Could I interest you in everything all of the time?

A little bit of everything all of the time

Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime

Anything and everything, all of the time

Could I interest you in everything all of the time?

A little bit of everything all of the time

Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime

Anything and everything all of the time

You know, it wasn't always like this

Not very long ago, just before your time

Right before the towers fell, circa '99

This was catalogs, travel blogs, a chatroom or two

We set our sights

And spent our nights waiting for you!

You, insatiable you

Mommy let you use her iPad, you were barely two

And it did all the things we designed it to do

Now, look at you! Oh, look at you!

You, you! Unstoppable, watchable

Your time is now, your inside's out

Honey, how you grew

And if we stick together

Who knows what we'll do?

It was always the plan

To put the world in your hand

Could I interest you in everything all of the time?

A bit of everything all of the time

Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime

Anything and everything all of the time

Could I interest you in everything all of the time?

A little bit of everything all of the time

Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime

Anything and everything

And anything and everything

And anything and everything and

All of the time