What's Funny

(My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish

Uh, she used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time)

My show is a little bit silly, and a

Little bit pretentious, so like

Shakespeare's willy or

Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on

It's also a little bit gay, and a

Little bit offensive, like

Thanksgiving Day or

Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on

So put your cellphones to vibrate

And put your vibrators to cellphone mode

Welcome to the show, it goes a little bit like this

Joke... exactly

Welcome to my flow, it flows a little bit like this

With a rap and a diss then a

Swift rap in the wrist, a rap in a kiss

Like Hershey's wrappin' a Kiss, shit

I got a show that'll test you kids

And it asks one question and the question is

What's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

Funny, fu-funny

What's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

Funny

Oh yeah

Humor is often linked to shared experience

Like a guy gets up and says, "Have you noticed that public restrooms have really inefficient hand dryers? "

"Oh my God, yes I have

Ha ha ha ha, really good point

They should fix that

It's good to know that somebody finally gets me

'Cause my wife divorced me

Which has consciously forced me to lose all sense of self

So it's nice to think about hand dryers

And not that cheating whore"

Because stand-up comedy is actually pretty easy

If you're an Asian comic, just get up and say, "My mother's got the weirdest fucking accent"

Then just do a Chinese accent

'Cause everybody laughs at the Chinese accent

Because they privately thought that your people were laughable and now you've given them the chance to express that in public

Ah yeah, if you're a musical comic

Just give them a little weird voice inflection

Then take a Viagra

And slap them with a rock-hard misdirection

What's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

Funny, fu-funny

... Tourettes!

What's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

Funny

Oh, and the audience says

When I was a baby, maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys

Now I'm older and bolder and just get mad because I notice that the keys are to a Hummer

Fuck my life, I don't fuck my wife

So fuck my wife, and fuck my life

And my son is gay, but not sitcom gay

Daughter's a whore, like another girl that used to be her mother

But the marriage made her Miss Mary Americana

I want a teen, but that's screaming prima donna

But the radical feminists made my wife a man

Oh, and if I die happy

The situation

Will be auto-erotic

Asphyxiation

I hate my life and it hates me back

And my friend is black

But I don't know what to call him

So I just call him

... What up, Jamal?

Even though his name is Steve

I hate my job, I hate my life

I hate my kids, I hate my wife

Jews would know I do it

Judas beat me to it

I'm slowly slipping into a solipsistic coma

And I masturbate because I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me!

What's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

Funny, fu-funny

(Pop) It's a boy

What's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

Funny, yeah

Hopefully this

(Fart)