Kitchen Magician

Step back mother fucker got a story to tell

I'm gonna tell it one time so listen up well

It's not a play toy at all it won't come when you call

But it'll make your life a breeze and you'll be having a ball

I said it slices it chops & both your mom and your pops

Will like it, give it to the kids it won't break when it drops

It turns a meal into dinner, if you're a total beginner

You'll be a betty crocker baking cookoff grand prize winner

Tell your friends all about it you know that it will amaze

Cook a meal in a minute when before it took days

It's to good to be true all the things it can do

Turn even boring old standards into something new

It's government approved it passes all the tests

It's better than the baddest the best best of the best

The kitchen magician it's a handsome addition

To any room in the house but always best in the kitchen

As seen on TV it's money back garanteed

Fuck everything else because it's all that you need

It's better than a dog it makes picks from a log

Makes a fine ham sandwich from a hog

It turns your life around, the best thing you've found

It takes a sad sack chef and turns his frown upside down

Its got thousands of uses it turns fruits into juices

It'll make a perfect salad no more need for excuses

It'll grate, it'll peel it'll fine chop your veal

Just give it a try and see how good it can feel

It'll mince your meat, it'll pulverize wheat

You can put it in your freezer cause it's resistant to heat

The kitchen magician it's only $9.99

If your kids get too unruly it'll keep 'em in line

It's not made of wood which should make you feel good

You can lend it to your friends in the neighborhood

It'll cut it'll grate it'll chop up your steak

You can hit it with a hammer and it just won't break

Yeah it's the perfect gift for someone that you love

Compare it to the rest and it's always one step above

It'll relax it prepacks your lunch everyday

It's a miniature marvel, well what more can I say

It cleans itself like magic when you're in the city

It'll clean all your dishes and make your place smell pretty

It gets rid of roaches without any scent

If your a little behind well it'll help with the rent

It's more than an appliance it's remarkably reliant

It won't keep you up at night because it's quieter than silent

It might just change your mood from not good to much better

If your baby hits the road it'll help you forget her