A Dying Business

Funeral directors of america, I am very deeply honored standing here;

Receiving this token of your esteem, "the funeral director of the

Year."

Now I've been asked by all the delegates--and members of the board,

To tell you of the funeral that won me this award.

It was handled with taste and dignity, that much I can say for it;

And I'm sure it will take the family twenty years to pay for it!

It was a helluva fun'ral, it was a helluva fun'ral

The finest fun'ral ever booked:

I had some high school juniors who passed around petunial

And lilies everywhere you looked.

It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral

Oh, how I wish that you were there;

I had ten drum majorettes doubling on the castanets

It really was a lively affair

It really was a lively affair.

It was a helluva fun'ral, it was a helluva fun'ral

The national guard showed up for me;

And during the oration, they went into formation

And formed the letters r. P. p.

It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral

I gave it all my loving care;

The band was on its toes playing "mexicali rose",

It really was a lively affair.

It really was a lively affair.

A tisket a tasket, tell us about the casket

Well, I'll tell you 'bout the casket, my good friends

It would-a made your poor eyes pop

It was sterling silver all around and a real formica top.

Formica top, it had a formica top

Well, I'll tell you 'bout the widow, my good friends,

The widow was in navy blue

With a gown designed by balenciaga, I supplied that too.

He sold the widow widow's weeds too.

I held the first funereal raffle, though I don't much like to boast

And I gave away a chevrolet to the person who cried the most.

He gave away a brand new chevrolet. I won it myself!

There were eighteen jugglers by the grave to demonstrate their art

And when they were done, I fired a gun to let the hoot-e-nanny start.

He fired a gun and the hoot-e-nanny begun.

I was serving beer and prtzels, 'til the hot pastrami came;

And I sold some souvenier hankies with the dear departed's name.

He was sellin' hankies with the dear departed's name.

As a fitting finale we had the rockettes from new your's music hall;

As you can see, my very good friends

All in all, all in all:

It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral

No other burial could compare;

It was all done up deluxe 'n' I made forty thousand bucks,

It really was a lively affair. It really was a swingin' affair