Lay Awake

I thought of going back to Jesus

I thought of throwing life away

I thought of every possible outcome

It all felt the same

Inner searches going nowhere

Habit pushing me to pray

Tell me a way to get out and to still be saved

I threw my phone across the kitchen

Bits of glass underneath the table

I know how it hurts to pretend that you're still stable

'Cause I've been scared and I've been angry

And I've been used the wrong way

And you are not alone when you lay awake

I thought of going back to college

Only in fits of fear and rage

A feeble attempt to fit in with the people my age

I thought I had it figured out

I thought I had the guts to let this go

The past few years have disagreed

You've been planting all these seeds in me

And they're starting to grow into something that I can't hold back anymore

For a second it was simple

I could take it, I was sure

But I've been scared and I've been angry

And I've been used the wrong way

But you are not alone when you lay awake