Indian In-Laws

They're my Indian in-laws

Came to visit me and my squaw

Been here for a month y'all

I'm 'bout to lose my mind

I'm sick and tired of her paw-paw

Eatin' all of my bear claws

While he's watchin' ol Hee-Haw

And drinkin all my wine

I'm gonna scalp her maw-maw

Making long distance phone calls

To her friends in Arkansas

Talkin' on my dime

They're my Indian in-laws

They're drivin' me up the dang wall

Using all of my dental floss

And leaving the room smelling bad

(Shoo-ee)

They moved into my wigwam

God Almighty they're big bums

Order filet mignons

And stick me with the tab

They're hanging 'round my teepee

Can't wear my buffalo briefs

Ain't had me no whoopee since week for last

They're my Indian in-laws

Hooked on Ex-Lax and Geritol

Have to run 'em to the shopping mall

4 times a day

(Every single day, seven days a week

My nerves are about shot

They are worryin' me to death)

Sittin' there clipping toenails

Chain-smoking them Pell Mells

Wish they'd get them a motel

But they're too cheap to pay

Pretty soon if they don't leave

I'll take a pipe and pop his knee

Like Tanya did Nancy

They're skating on thin ice

I'll take my bow and arrow

Pretend I'm shootin' at a sparrow

I might miss and uh-oh,

Hit her maw-maw's behind

They're my Indian in-laws

Might be kin to Tim McGraw

But they kin to me? Naw

Might have to leave my wife

'Cause my Indian in-laws

Came to visit me and my squaw

I'm about to lose my mind

Oh, one little, two little, three little Indians

Four little, five little, six little Indians

Seven little, eight little, nine little Indians

Ten little Indian in-laws

Oh no! Here comes her brother and her other brother

Then there's her sister that brought her aunt Essie with her

She's got two kids and they brought two friends

The whole tribes a-comin'

Couldn't they have just made a reservation