Merry Christmas From The Whole Fam Damily

Twas the fight before Christmas

When all through the house

No furniture left standing, no TV or couch

Our aquarium, heck they even knocked over my Chia Pet

MeMaw was flung 'cross the room by her hair

By her sister Ethel who never fought fair

LET'S GET READY TO TUMBLE!!!!!!!

The children all wrestled and jumped off the beds

Dropping elbows and knees on each other's heads

And MaMaw wth her frying pan and Pa with his bat

Cleared half the room in ten seconds flat

The whole brawl began from an innocent matter

When Aunt Flo thought Eugene said "She looks a whole lot fatter"

She knocked him through the window he fell with a crash

Tore down the gutters and busted his LEG REALLY BAD

You ought to have saw it

It looked like he'd been in a motorcycle wreck

No Kiddin

Yeah awful I couldn't turn to look at it

You see both sides of our family have never gotten along

And every holiday something always go wrong

You ain't supposed to fight but spread joy in this season

But when they get the nog they just look for a reason

In no time at all everybody joined in

And right there we squared off with our closest of kin

It's a time for givin said Uncle Bill

As he gave a black eye to his brother-in-law Phil

I heard somebody say "It's the thought that counts

And right now I'm thinking about knocking your butt out"

Presents and fists flew all over the room

And NaNa had some fancy moves with the broom

She took out three cousins and knocked down the tree

And I ducked just in time she swung out at me

It's my favorite time of year

Dad always has too much beer

Gets on the roof and hunts reindeer

Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily

Tie the antlers on the dog

Save some shine for Santa Claus

From all the in-laws and outlaws

Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily

I crawled to the phone Lord it seemed like a mile

And called 9-1-1 which we keep on speed dial

In a matter of minutes out the window appeared

Flashing blue lights and the Sherrif John Deere

Just then six men burst through the door

Some yelling "HANDS UP" Some "GET ON THE FLOOR"

A stray punch from Grandpa found the sherrif's chin

And just for good measure he clocked him again

It took all 6 cops to get Grandpa in cuffs

You know he gets feisty when he runs out of snuff

We all stopped our fighting and cheered Grandpa on

Heck I thought he could take them I guess I was wrong

As they dragged him outside he yelled "I'VE BEEN FRAMED"

He was kicking and screaming and calling them names

"You (bleep) You (bleep)

Let me go you (bleep)

You donut eatin stupid (bleep) son of a (bleep)"

We stood on the porch as did all our neighbras

Who always took interest in our family's behavior

"Mind your own business" we heard Grandma shout

And "We'll take back the presents and then come bail you out"

By now we'd forgotten what we were fighting for

We were battered and bruised but united once more

Then we all joined hands and sang "Violent Night"

Violent Night

And we heard Grandpa exclaim as they drove off out of sight:

"Merry Christmas to all...MAN that was a good fight!!!!"

Deck your neighbor deck the halls

Tis the season for a brawl

From all of us to all of y'all

Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily

Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily

Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily