Ricky Tidwell's Mama Is Gonna Play Football

Ricky Tidwell was a great athlete

He was a big strong boy that was quick on his feet

And every college in the country wanted Ricky on their line

Oh when the scouts came knocking on Ricky's door

They didn't want to talk to young Rick no more

When they saw his mama she's the one they wanted to sign

She was a real bold woman raised on a farm

Had Bear Bryant tattooed on her forearm

She was meaner than hell and ran the 40 in 4.3

She could squat 600 bench press 5

The hands down meanest homemaker alive

Got a scholarship playing linebacker in the SEC

Ricky Tidwell's mama is gonna play football

Her real name's Doris but they're gonna call her "Too Tall"

She's got shoulders and a hind end four foot wide

Going to college on a full ride

Doris Tidwell's gonna play in the NC-double-A

She'd wash all her team mates uniforms

Tucked everybody in in the football dorms

Cooked the game meal, said the Lord's prayer

You're missing a jockstrap? She's got a spare

Crawled in the huddle, and called all the plays

The only one tough enough to go both ways

Yeah...a mouth full of mud, scoured up knees

Cussing out the coaches spittin' on referees

Ricky Tidwell's mama's gonna play football

Her real name's Doris

But they're gonna call her "Too Tall"

They say she's a fine young man but she's really not

Ricky's mama was the master of the cheap shot

And on the triple option play she could ruin your day

She led the team in tackles and the league in sacks

Responsible for killing nine running backs

But the school's reputation was destroyed

They accused Ricky's mama of steroids

Ricky Tidwell's mama's on probation

Now the college is under their eighth investigation

They wouldn't leave poor Ricky Tidwell's mama alone

She'd been takin' male hormones