The Grundy County Spitting Incident

Parody of Sold: The Grundy County Auction by John Michael Montgomery (R. Fagan/R.Royer), Of Music (ASCAP)/RobbRoy West Music (BMI)

New Lyrics (Skoal) by Cledus T. Judd and Chris Clark La-Po Music/Chris Clark Publishing Designee.

New Lyrics (Stoled) by Cledus T. Judd, Bruce Burch, Dan Saranana, Rich Fagen, La-Po Music (BMI)/Bruce Burch Music (SESAC), Of Music (ASCAP)/Dan Saranana Publishing Designee

Sadie, pull this car over. Let me get me a can of Skoal.

Well, we went down to the Grundy County auction

The sign said no tobaccer where we sat

My wife told me that I should spit with caution

Or else we'll all wind up in a big ol' spat

And I said hush your mouth nobody's gonna mind

If I pack my lip and ignore the sign

'Cause a little dip of Skoal never hurt no one at all

Then, I've never seen anyone get so mad

From a little bit of spit on his John Deere hat

But I spit on him once, spit on him twice

Spit Skoal on the feller in the second row

Well he turned around and nearly broke my nose

I got a big fat lip, two black eyes

Shoulda just went and dipped outside

Well, it musta been about eight or nine more minutes

Until I pulled that can of Skoal back out

And I knew when I put my fingers in it

That I'd just spit it out amongst the crowd

...Look out!

And you know I really don't care if anybody minds

A pinch 'tween your cheek and gum is not a crime

So I'll do my spittin' and to heck with the rest of y'all

Well I've never saw people gettin' so dang mad

Worst County auction they've ever had

'Cause I spit on 'em once, spit on 'em twice

Spit Skoal on the people, well I must confess

I even got a little on a lady's white dress

But in the end they got me back you see

They all took a dip and spit on me

Well, they pinned me down on the auction block

And took my Skoal away

And the town still hates to talk about

The mess that was made that day

When I said hush your mouth, nobody's gonna mind

If I pack my lip and ignore the sign

'Cause a little dip of Skoal never hurt no one at all

Well, I've never saw people gettin' so derned mad

The worst County auction they've ever had

'Cause I spit on 'em once, spit on 'em twice

Spit Skoal on the people, well I must confess

I even got a little on a lady's white dress

Shoulda swallowed my dip, swallowed my pride

Shoulda just went and spit outsiiiiiiide.

Whew!

Boy, that was horrible!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well I went down to a Music City function

Where I just heard a song that I had to howl out

My lawyers told my to proceed with caution

Or I'd make a whole lot of songwriters mad

Uh-huh

And I said

Hey John Michael Montgomery won't mind

If I take a song and make it mine all mine

Like I did so many times with old Tim McGraw's

Yeah I never heard anything sound so fine

Mind if I borrow one or two of your lines

Well I stole it once stole it twice

I STOLE it from a writer on Music Row

Well he just moved to town and he didn't know

About ASCAP, SESAC, or BMI

So he might as well kiss his song goodbye

I had my number two pencil going about a mile a minute

Till I had his ideas all written down

And I knew I really went and did it

When the police came and hauled my butt downtown

And I said

Hey John Michael Montgomery won't mind

If I steal a song and make it mine all mine

Like I did so many times with Tim McGraw's

Yeah I never heard anything sound so fine

Mind if I borrow one or two of your lines

Well I stole it once stole it twice

I STOLE that song and I must confess

When I went to court I plead no contest

Got a big fat lip and two black eyes

Never should have messed with his copyright

Yeah

I told the judge I had writers block but he hauled my butt away

And now it hurts too much to laugh about the song I stole that day

When I said

Hey John Michael Montgomery won't mind

If I steal a song and make it mine all mine

Like I did so many times with Tim McGraw

Yeah I never heard anything sound so fine

Mind if I borrow one or two of your lines

So I stole it once stole it twice

I STOLE it from a writer on Music Row

Well he just moved to town and he didn't know

About ASCAP, SESAC, or BMI

So he might as well kiss his song goodbye

(GASP)

EYE

STOLE

WHEE!!!!