A Diagnosis (feat. Rachel Bloom)

For almost 30 years, I've known something was wrong

But Mom said weakness causes bloating

So I tried to be strong

Fake it till you make it, that's how I got by

And when I tried to find the reason

For my sadness and terror

All the solutions were trial and error

Take this pill, say this chant, move here for this guy

But now there's no need for regret

'Cause I'm about to get

A diagnosis!

A diagnosis!

Don't tell me, no, sis-

Ter, you don't fit in

Doc, prescribe me my tribe, give me my throng

Tell me that this whole time I've belonged

With those other people who share my diagnosis

What could it be? What could be right?

Schizophrenic or bipolar lite?

I've never heard voices, but maybe it's time to start

You're super cool, Rebecca

Thanks!

Obsessives with numbers, hoarders with cats

I could really rock a tinfoil hat

Perfect they're not, but at least they know who they are

No more bad pills, fads, or tricks

Who says there isn't an easy fix?

With a diagnosis!

I'm ready to blow this

Joint, and by joint, I mean my inner sense of confusion

You said that confusingly

Shhh!

I'm aware mental illness is stigmatized

But the stigma is worth it if I've realized

Who I'm meant to be, armed with my diagnosis

Oh, the doctors that I've met who didn't get me!

This one naturopath used feathers to pet me

They said anxiety, insomnia were my affliction

The naturopath said it was sex addiction

But all those things I knew I wasn't

Yes, I like penises, but who doesn't?

So put me in a bottle, slap a label on

List out the side effects, then worries be gone

'Cause finally I'll know this

My diagnosis!