Where’s the Bathroom?

[Naomi]

Where's the bathroom?

Where's the bathroom?

I need to use the bathroom

Tell me that you have a bathroom

In this hovel you call home

I don't know which was bumpier

The plane ride or the taxi

All these freeways are a nightmare

Where's my purse? I need my comb!

By the way, you’re looking healthy

And by healthy I mean chunky

I don't mean that as an insult

I'm just stating it as fact

I see your eczema is back

Are you using the lotion that I sent you?

If you're not gonna use it I’ll return it to the store

God, I give you everything

And still you just want more-more-more-more-more

Where's the bathroom?

Where's the bathroom?

You haven't told me where your bathroom is!

[Rebecca]

It's upstairs!

[Naomi]

Okay, fine, I need the walk

Well, your house is dot-dot-dot charming

Though some florals wouldn't kill you

Do you ever get a maid here?

It's so nice to sit and talk

Since when do you have a vendetta against vases?

When did you stop wearing makeup?

Are you sure that you’re not gay?

I'd still love you if you were gay

It would explain this vase vendetta

Please just tell me if you're gay!

[Rebecca]

Again, I am not gay!

[Naomi]

Don't interrupt me!

You're always with the talking

I just got off a plane

Give me a moment to catch my breath

It's the least you can do since you

Lived inside me for nine months

And you still haven't told me

Where

The hell

Your stupid bathroom is

[Rebecca]

Again, it’s upstairs!

[Naomi]

Oh, right! Thank you

You call that a bathroom?

That’s what passes for a bathroom?

There were no bowls of rocks

Or any decorative soaps

You don't even have a bathmat

Who doesn't have a bathmat?

If you need a bathmat I can, oh, did you hear?

A bishop in Wisconsin said something anti-Semitic

So the temple has decided to boycott cheddar cheese

Everyone asks how you’re doing

How is widdle Becky?

Is she still a bigshot lawyer?

And to that, I just say please!

You won't get a husband this way

At least you have your career

Oh wait, you threw out your career

To chase this California dream

I wasted all that dough on Harvard and Yale

For you to be living in a dump

In Nowhere, USA

Getting fatter by the minute

On this greasy, goyish food

Just put my luggage in my room

Could I get a glass of water?

I'll be back in a moment

I need to use the bathroom

Again!