Lewis And Clark

Now Arnold Jones an' MaryBeth Jensen's in a 'Vette down by the Deep Rock

Had John Denver on the 8-track, gettin' high

MaryBeth's wig was on the floor

An' Arnold's feet was out the door

When we shined our flashlight in Arnold's startled eyes

I says "What chew doin' boy?

Don't chew know that's against the law?

We just gonna hafta get this situation under control

Now my name is Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Willard Clark

We the Pottawattamie County Love Patrol."

Then two hippies in a Chevy's puffin' grass an' sippin' wine

'Bout fourteen mile south-east a' Council Bluffs

They's passin' 'round the peace-pipe

When we caught 'em with our flashlight

An' Willard's hairy hands applied the cuffs.

I says, "Boys you got some trouble

You committin' herb-i-cide.

We just gonna hafta get this situation under control

'Cause I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark

We the Pottawattamie County Weed Patrol."

Then we spied ol' Marvin Kline a-headin' south on twenty-nine

Like a midnight auto ac-cessory store on wheels

His trunk was full a' hub caps

An' his back seat full a' tires

When we picked him up and made him spread his heels

I says, "Hands up-on the wall, boy

You allowed t' make one call

We just gonna hafta get this situation under control

Cause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark

We the Pottawattamie County Rip-off Patrol."

Then Orval Hinkle left the Go-Go Club on his brand-new motor-sickle

Runnin' stop-lights, raisin' hell an' causin' accidents

His brain was doin' wheelies

An' his blood was three-two beer

When we nailed him in his driveway at his residence

I says, "Orval, you're in trouble boy

But if you'll blow this here balloon up

We gonna get your situation under control

Now I'm Captain Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Willard Clark

We the Pottawattamie County Juice Patrol."

Then we's passin' by the Dew Drop Inn when he heard this woman scream

So we pulled on in an' parked an' got the guns out

Well we bashed on through the lobby into unit seventeen

There's twenty-eight folks in there without no clothes on.

I says "Everbody up against the wall; show us yer identification.

We just gonna definitely get this situation under control

'Cause my name is Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark

We the Pottawattamie County Sin Patrol."

C'mon, Willard, let's go sneakin' 'round in the dark some more, never know what yer gonna find.