Suffocating

At first I couldn’t breathe

Now I'm suffocating

Maybe the pressure from the fame isn’t worth what I'm chasing

I used to say Gods playing now the Devils on my team acting foul and it’s all flagrant

Trynna push me off this path that I'm steady paving

Sin is the currency and I'm everyday I'm making payments

I don’t wanna live in it but I heard a saying

Good knows evil cause the houses are both adjacent

I don’t know if I should go for these goals

I’ve seen people gain the world but lose their souls

My anxiety is building as the weight of it grows I seclude myself in privacy

Inside of my home

And I barely answer and calls and when I see my phone

I'm reminded that the real feeling of being alone is having millions who love you

But can leave you or say that they hate at the moment they don’t fuck with a song

I used to laugh it off

Now I hold my breath and suffocate

Then I sit and wait

Just to see if I can kill the hate

And as I'm fleeting I see God at the heavens gates

Then come back down to fight another day

Then I grab that same phone and smile and wave

And pour my empty heart in to a song that they won’t praise

They say patience is the key

But they didn’t tell me while I wait I’d be locked inside a steel cage

Something's wrong

I feel claustrophobic

I'm stuck living in the past

And not the moment

Or the future where my life is only more broken

Cause those wounds from the past are still open

I take sips of love an every single time it’s poison

I see women who can’t see past my employment

Or see me as enjoyment so I can’t enjoy it

Cause The rides temporary and they leave once they crash and destroy it

I don’t think this life is healthy, why didn’t anybody tell me

Everybody would want help but nobody would wanna help me I'm an ATM

A therapist, an everybody’s friendly and they hide their real intentions

But my mind won’t let me

If I make a sad song, don’t ask me if I'm happy

Fuck a hook, my pain isn’t catchy

If you relate you or worse feel badly

Fucking pity me at least and check in if you at me

That’s the only way I know who it touches

That’s why I stay awake and answer DM’s by hundreds

So I don’t lose myself and fill my stomach with the

Feeling here just to suffocate for nothing

If you know real pain then you see it when you look me in my eyes

I try to hide it but they do not lie

I wanna sleep but If I try

The demons who creep and dreams will collide

So I stay up and stare at the ceiling

And ask myself if I should even share these feelings

Then I hear a voice in the distance from ghost like image

Say my pain could be somebody's healing

So I close my eyes

And drift to the place that inspires these lyrics

And as I see flames and I scream

I pray it’s a place you’ll never have to visit