Past Life Regressed

I went down to meet my girlfriends for lunch the ones

who like to

moan and complain about their lives just like me,

But when I got there, they were smiling, they were happy, I thought

What's up with that?? What the hells up with that?

They said we've just come from our

past life therapist who took us

back to our lives gone by and man they were fine

And now we feel okay with our present cause

We had one hell of a past

And they said:

Considering the state of your sad pathetic life,

why you must have been

Some sort of cultural icon in an era gone by!

Great. Thanks.

Well, I got myself a session,

I lay down on the couch and she said,

Sleep! Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!

And my mind it started reeling like some psychedelic drug thing

And I found myself in a field (smelling very badly)

I heard a grunt and everything went black

Well when I came to she said, "You're not going to like this

But your past life was spent as an indigent serf

And while foraging a meal of roots and potatoes,

You were attacked by a wild boar."

I said, "Well that sounds a lot like my last blind date, are you sure you didn't get the signals crossed?" She said, "I don't think

So." I said, "Well, when I met this tragic, bloody death, was I

and indigent serf in a satisfying committed relationship?"

She said, "No."

As if my life weren't bad enough, good lord I'm more depressed

Cause I was just some low life peasant,

when I past life regressed.

She said, "We're going to try this again, usually the best possible

Past life comes to the forefront first but maybe there's something wrong with the default mechanism, lets give it another shot.

Well, she took me back further and it got more scary

I was an ice age chick who ate a deadly berry

And I stumbled out of my cave to die alone in the snow.

I said, "Well when I was this ice age chick,

did I have a man to call mine?"

She said, "Honey, when you died you were ten at the time."

I said, "Well, they started pretty young back then. . .."

She said, "No."

As if my life weren't bad enough well now I'm more depressed

Cause I was just some low life peasant

When I past life regressed

I had a friend turns out, she was Cleopatra!

I had another friend . . .um . . . she was Cleopatra as well.

I had a third friend. . . well, suffice to say

PMS around that palace must have been a living hell

But I wasn't there. I wasn't anywhere even near that

Socioeconomic strata.

Well, we kept revisiting my soul as it cycled on down

the food chain, and at every point along the spiral

I struck out miserably.

Until finally, we reached my life as a plant.

And i said, "Cross pollination! I'm getting LUCKY tonight!"

She said, "You were mugwort. And mugwort reproduces

asexually.

(Talk about setting an early precedent for yourself.)

As if my life weren't bad enough, well now I'm more depressed

Cause I was just some low life peasant

A foul smelling ignorant serf

An ice age chick probably dug up by some school kids.

Even as a DAMN PLANT I couldn't get any action

When I past life regressed.