Sunken Shores Of Fatal Symmetry

What naivete could have caused such desecration?

One autumnal night I detached and buried myself

I drove out the sun and killed all growth

And worshipped the trauma that scarred my destiny

I became guilts, phobias, neuroses, compulsions

Gifted with wings yet lacking knowledge of their use

Mundane expectations and the sheen of despair

Potential ruined by terrible circumstance

Almost a year is lost and there are more days ahead

Whilst my own limbs become cumbersome and weary

Delusional, pathetic, spastic, and limp

Repressing conflict and ineluctable meltdown

Denying emotion, pleasure becomes routine

Sweltering, stifling, blighting decrepitude

Disguised by layers of useless humor

My laughter is hateful to deprecate the optimist

All my heroes are dead if they ever existed

Retreating into patterns of defensive isolation

The narcotic apathy of daydreams and fantasy

And the pain is overwhelming

I am not a philosopher but a narcissist in a fugue state

Vapors of the past normalize into my ghosts

I framed the walls and mountains that enclose my sanity

Suffocating the senses and the instincts of power

Adapting to the dark I became anxious of the light

Movements slow and fragile, eyes dull as a mask

Reacting to abandonment by abandoning myself

A derelict child upon gargantuan shores

Submerged within a delayed mind, alone with my hostility

Only to guess at the depths of the caldera

Hiding in hurts, using them as an excuse

The cringing incongruity, the victim on display

Incapable of even sleep

Memories of joy are forgotten

Embalmed by my own lies

Driven to the point of honesty, I surrender

I can no longer suspend my disbelief

No one touches me to validate my existence

I'm sick of living underwater

I want my humanity back!!!

This is not my paradise

Creativity channeled into madness

Frozen on the critical moment

Reliving failure in quiet rot

This should not be happening to me

Insane because I turned my back on her

All I can do is exploit my wounds

Dying in a vacuum of loneliness

I must not drown in my own intellect

Tides of extinction below the psyche

Dreams of genocide fade as fear dissolves

Capable of more devices than destruction

I want to stomp and prance in affirmation

Spiders at the gate of an inner world

Damaged, broken, obsessed

I will be with her again