James Bond VS Austin Powers

[James Bond (Craig)]

I’ve beefed with Le Chiffre and No and Blofeld with the cheek scar

But they were not as crooked and rotten as your teeth are

I’ll go balls to the Walther on this whack twat in an ascot

Blast shots atcha like gas from the back slot of a fat Scot

Permission from the Crown to put a scoundrel down?

I’ve earned it

I’m licenced to kill

You couldn’t get a learner’s permit

After twenty-four films I’m still reaching new heights

Your third movie died, guess You Only Live Twice

Spell my name!

The ladies wanna B-on-D

Any sex appeal you might have is beyond me

I’m bespoke from my head to my toe and after this flow I’m done

I only need one round

Golden Gun

[Austin Powers]

You look a lot more blonde in your movie, baby

That's alright, let's just keep it groovy baby! (Yeah!)

Basil Exposition told me this would be boring

But Jesus, man

Even my mojo's snoring!

I've never seen such a miserable spy

I've also never seen a man with glistening thighs

I mean you can't shag properly with that waxed tush

Birds flock to the musk of my chest bush (Yeah!)

I hypnotize you with a little strip tease

And then judo chop

I'm swinging on you like the sixties (Yeah!)

You're defenseless

My rhymes can't be deflected

You're like all the sex I've ever had

Unprotected (Yeah!)

People want a hero with a little personality

No one wants to sit through your gritty reality

Maybe Q can craft some new plot lines

You've made Thunderball two bloody times!

I'm one of a kind

You're always getting remade

You can't touch me, double-oh behave

[James Bond (Craig)]

Ugh! Can't believe I'm wasting my time with this clown

I should be on an island with a fucking model by now

Sipping dry martinis and peeling off bikinis

Not rapping against Swedish penis pumping weenies

[Austin Powers]

Yeah that's not mine-

[James Bond (Craig)]

I didn't say I was finished

I'm sick of your silly gimmicks

I'm the best spy in the business

Just ask all the critics

I've been through hell

So yeah, I'm a bit of a cynic

But I'm the original model that your frilly ass mimics!

[James Bond (Connery)]

I wouldn’t exactly call you original

It’s the most prominent dominant bomb spy

So pay homage

Handing out ass-whippings

I’m on some real James Bondage

Your performance doesn’t stir me and I’m certainly not shaken

If I wanted shitty acting in my action film

I’d go and watch Taken

I see your modern gadgets and I piss on them all

I don’t need a Q to break your balls

I’m the granddad of the brand millions of fans have been sold on

You’re so far up on my nuts I should call you Bond

Gold Bond

[Austin Powers]

Yeah, um, could I get back in my rap please?

[James Bond (Connery)]

Rap these, you velvety hack!

[Austin Powers]

Jeez!

[James Bond (Craig)]

It’s the movie business and you’ve had your six

The world has had quite enough rug-wearing misogynists

[Austin Powers]

Yeah, to be honest

You are a bit rapey

I mean, I like to swing

But Dr. No means no, baby

[James Bond (Connery)]

Oh please, I’m an extraordinary gentlemen

I'm distinguished

If they made a Mini-Me

They’d have to cast Peter Dinklage

[James Bond (Craig)]

Well maybe they should cast a Bond who’s actually English

[James Bond (Connery)]

Why, pussy, aren’t you the cunning linguist

[James Bond (Craig)]

As a matter of fact

I’ve got a knack for licking old cunts

After I beat you

I’ll kick the shit out of the man who does your stunts

[James Bond (Connery)]

Now you listen here

You little duck-faced runt

I’m all in

I’m ready to die any day that you want!