Moses VS Santa Claus

[Santa Claus]

Sweet robes, Obi Wan-too-many days in the sun

Stop preaching homie, teach your flock to covet some fun!

I bring joy every year, man I represent cheer

You represent sandals and a scraggly beard

I'm from the North Pole

That's why my rhymes are so cold!

I spit diamonds but I'm serving up some fresh coal

You've been a naughty boy

You brought a plague of frogs

You'd best arrest yourself

You broke your own law

Or was there something in Rule Six I didn't understand?

My list says kill the Egyptian Jew

Buried him in sand

I've read your book, you got a strict religion

No bacon?

But mandatory circumcision?

I'm a jolly bowl of jelly, giving holiday presents

But all the chosen people ever get for Christmas is jealous!

[Moses]

When I was high up on the mountain God revealed the truths of the Earth

But he never mentioned a fat-ass Papa Smurf

It takes 9 reindeers to haul your fat ass

You took the Christ out of Christmas and just added more mass

You need to stop breakin' into houses and creepin' and peepin'

On naughty kids while they sleepin' and keep yo' hands off my stockin'

Don't you ho-ho me!

I'll split yo ass in half

Like I did the Red Sea

You ain't a saint, you a slaver

Like a pharaoh in the snow

Stop with the unpaid labor and let my little people go!

[Elves]

We ain't slaves!

All that sand turned your brains to mush!

I think you need to stop smokin' all that burnin' bush

Yeah, we're magical workers, man!

We hang with reindeers.

Yo! Here's a GPS!

Who gets lost for forty years?

You're a glorified secretary, so write this down

Because deez nutz

Santa Claus is comin' to town

[Moses]

So much drama in the Israel BC

It's kinda hard talkin' directly to the G-O-single-D

Hand me my chisel, I got a new command'izzle, for y'all

Thou shalt not let your children sit on a grown man's lap at the mall

I'll beat you ten times before the bread can rise, you dummy

And walk off into the land of my milk and honeys