Something Bad Is Happening

[Charlotte]

People might think I'm very dyke-ish

I make a big stink when I must, but goddamn

I'm just professional, never too nonchalant

If I'm a bitch, well, I am what I am!

Just call me 'doc', don't call me 'lady'

I don't like to talk when I'm losing the game

Bachelors arrive sick and frightened

They leave weeks later, unenlightened

We see a trend, but the trend has no name

Something bad is happening

Something very bad is happening

Something stinks, something immoral

Something so bad that words have lost their meaning!

Rumors fly and tales abound

Stories echo underground!

Something bad is

Spreading, spreading, spreading 'round!

[Cordelia]

Tell me how it tastes!

Tell me if it's good!

Tell me, dear, if you'd like seconds—

[Charlotte, spoken]

Stop!

[Cordelia]

Go ahead and wound my pride

[Charlotte]

Just stop

[Cordelia]

You're feeling very sick inside, well, okay

So you've had a bad day

I don’t know what to say

Look what’s become of my doctor

She's my doctor

And I love her!

She's got passion!

She's intelligent and, Jesus Christ

A doctor!

Very wealthy

And I love her!

Doctor of internal medicine!

I'm heartsick

You’re unhappy

[Charlotte]

Life is crappy

[Cordelia]

And you always see the glass half full

I'm nervous

[Charlotte]

This is fucking ridiculous!

[Cordelia]

She's my doctor and I love her!

She's got heart!

[Charlotte]

My spirits sag when I read the magazines

Men dressed in drag, next to their moms

Fashion and passion and filler

But not a word about the killer

I like the ballgowns, but Jesus Christ!

[Charlotte & cordelia]

Something bad is happening!

[Charlotte]

Something very bad is happening!

Something stinks, something immoral!

Something so bad that words have lost their meaning!

Rumors fly and tales abound

Stories echo underground!

Something bad is

[Cordelia (overlapping)]

Which she'd never say

Little things don't get in her way

What can it be?

What can it be?

[Charlotte & cordelia]

Spreading, spreading, spreading 'round!

[Charlotte]

Look, a virus has been found!

Stories echo underground!

Something bad is

[Charlotte & cordelia]

Spreading, spreading, spreading 'round!

[Intermission]

[Whizzer]

It bounced in

[Marvin]

No, it didn't

[Whizzer]

Hit the line, you know it did

[Marvin]

Just begin

[Whizzer]

Are you kidding?

Who's telling who how to play?

[Marvin]

Let me live, please forgive

Me for winning one game

[Whizzer]

Serve it up

[Marvin]

I attack!

[Whizzer]

Hold him down, keep him back-

Something's gone out of whack!

[Marvin]

I hit!

[Whizzer]

Ah shit!

[Marvin]

My game!

1 2 3 4

[Whizzer]

1 2 3- damn it

[Marvin]

1 2 3 4

[Whizzer]

1 2-

Good serve, marvin

[Marvin]

1 2 3 4

[Whizzer]

1 2-

Hit my heel

[Marvin]

Don't be bitter

[Whizzer]

No big deal, the game is yours

[Marvin]

It's unreal, you're a quitter!

[Whizzer]

I can't go on anymore!

[Marvin]

Be a jerk, my sweet bruiser

Try to be a decent loser!

At least you could give me that!

[Whizzer]

Excuse me?

I'm ready to go!

I'm ready

[He nearly passes out, but marvin catches him]

I'm sorry

[Marvin]

Do you know all I want is you?

Anything you do is alright

Yes, it's alright

[Company]

Everything will be alright

Everything will be alright

Everything will be alright

Everything will be alright