D(e)ad

You waste yourself, like you waste us all,

And still she swears, it's not your fault,

She clings to the thought, it keeps her alive,

But I see through your fucking lies,

Can't you see the fury,

Pouring from my eyes,

Killed everything you've ever loved,

Why couldn't you have died,

And all this spent wondering if everything we had was just going to fucking be okay was a waste,

I've fallen so so far since then,

I wish you could just look me in the eye one last time before the end and see how much I fucking miss you,

I've fallen so so far since then,

It destroys me just to see you,

To even look at all,

The sight of your broken soul,

Every time you fall,

Can't you see we need you father,

I don't care if you can't walk,

I just need to see your heart intact,

You can make this stop,

But fuck you are far fallen,

From where you once stood proud,

Why the fuck are you laughing,

Do you find me funny now?

And all this time you've moved your tongue,

Trying to get inside my head,

And all this time all I could think,

Is how I wish that you were d(e)ad,

And you've been suffering for so long,

And of course I fucking care,

But you won't ever fucking hear this song,

You act like we're not even there,

I loved you once but now I can't recall,

The man you used to be,

Or were you ever even man at all,

You are only ever sick in my memories,

How could you forget that once upon a time you fucking loved us to death,

I can't, just for,-get about you,

It destroys me just to see you,

To even look at all,

The sight of your broken soul,

Every time you fall,

Can't you see we need you father,

I don't care if you can't walk,

I just need to see your heart intact,

You can make this stop,

But fuck you are far fallen,

From where you once stood proud,

Why the fuck are you laughing,

Do you find me funny now?

And all this time you've moved your tongue,

Trying to get inside my head,

And all this time all I could think,

Is how I wish that you were d(e)ad,

I, can't, just forget about you,

I, can't, just let all of this go,

I, can't, just forget about you,

I, can't, just let all of this go,

I, can't, just forget about you,

I, can't, just let all of this go,

I, can't, just forget about you,

I, can't, just let all of this go,

Father, I am alone here

You never showed me how to be a man

Father, I am alone here

I'm doing the best I can

If you can hear me father I'm so sorry,

I was just a boy and I was so so angry,

None of this was your fault, I just wish that you were here,

It's been getting colder here year after year