Breathe

Today I looked up how long it would take to drown

Today I looked up how long it would take to drown

How long can you hold your breath before you can't hold your breath any longer

And how long until your lungs give out and the sound that used to fill the void

Quiets like a mouse at midnight, searching for its piece of the pie

Today I stood in front of a window and imagined what it would be like to fly, no I didn't

I imagined what it would be like to jump outside the frame that caged me inside

But my better judgment said it wouldn't be very kind if someone you cared about found you

That's the voice that plays like a tape on rewind, rewind, rewind

It wouldn't be fair to a stranger either

Today I'm reminded of the time I watched a man jump into a highway when I was just seventeen

The car lights on either side of the upper portion of the AutoRoute below standing at attention

Staring off into the distance

Just waiting for the road to clear

And the way to the comfort of their loved ones to be made

Death is a strange and hollow inconvenience when you think about it

There's a blank face that quickly and abruptly finds its way to all who witness something of that magnitude

It's not empathy, it's not sympathy

It's more of a forced intrinsic and integral self-reflection

Why would someone do such a thing?

What could drive someone to that type of depth?

Could I be driven to such depths?

Would I ever be able to jump?

There is no place to be soft in these moments, jump

There's no time to be caught in this moment, jump

There's no need to believe there ever was a moment, jump

Sigh, believe, relief in this moment

Cause I could never be the one to be in this moment

Or could I? Jump

Today I looked up how long it would take to drown

Do you first hold your breath?

Do you exhale all of your problems and worries before casting your thoughts to the bottom

Of an otherwise empty place below the poverty line of depressed thoughts

And the sad calamity of a haunted house you've called home?

I don't know

Maybe someone out there has an answer

But for now I'm still trying to come to terms of the fact

That today I looked up how long it would take to drown