Be Still My Beating Off

If it's easier to discuss this

privately without you dad the

minister who doesn't take

kindly to your pursuits then

I'll oblige.

Was it you that was found

with your pants down

watching your favourite cartoon

yelling at the shopkeeper

for the changing of the channel

say to your self:

"Be still my beating off"

well it may be inappropriate

for someone in your position

as a cop to satisfy

yourself at the local blue light disco

say to yourself:

"Be still my beating off"

there's no crime when you choose your time

and your place to masturbate in a public place

you will be disgraced, it's your right to choose

whether or not you want to be on the news.

Well I'm sure the judge will

look lightly

on your case considering I saw him

earlier at the footy

having a quick one off the wrist then

say to yourself:

"Be still my beating off"