No Joke

'alright clart! i saw you in fukin' zanzi's dinni? what happened to you on friday, clart?'

'aw, you're never gonna believe it, man! it's so unsafe, i got busted for havin' the well known rave drug, speed, innit!'

'you're fukin' jokin' me, son...tell me more about it'

'serious, it all started out like this, man...'

Pig: this interview is being tape recorded and it may be given in evidence if your case is brought to trial. at the conclusion you will be provided with a copy of the tape and a form explaining what happens to the tapes. we're in an interview room at newport central police station, can you give your full name and date of birth, please.

I'm john ben-wa balls and i'm goin' up the walls

I went out with my mates to see the waterfalls

No, really, i'm lying, i went to a club

And i got some crazy rave drugs and start to get wrecked up

Next thing i know, i'm in the bad end of town

I'm getting wrecked up and the police start to frown

They pulled me aside, saw the bag of speed

They even busted me for 'avin a toke on some weed

It's crazy, it's shit, i want to go have a good time

Next thing i know, i'm talking to pc59

He tried to do me for havin' loads of crazy fukin' drugs

I just wanted to get mad and cut a few fukin' rubs

Chorus -

It ain't no joke, it's a poor mans coke

I got busted by the law while i was havin' a toke

It ain't no joke, it's a poor mans coke

I got busted by the law while i was havin' a toke

I takes loads of drugs, i does 'em all the time

My mother threw me out the council house outta my mind

Now i'm on the streets with the glc crew

And i takes the ecstasy to my fukin' nan too(?)

The police sat me in a cell

In there was ben-wa balls as well

Smoked some draw and took some pills

And asked a bloke in a dress for some fukin' cheap thrills, innit

'glc...2000+1'

'glc, maximum pressure, you knows it, 1983, the year it all started, respect, you knows it, ben-wa balls, loveggs, fukin' billy webb, adam hussain, respect, two hats, knows it'

Pig: that concludes the interview. is there anything else you wish to add or clarify in connection to what you have said?

Yeah, fuk you, i do's what i gotta do

If it involves drinking beer and sniffing fukin' funky glue

Then i'll do it, you can't stop me cos i'm feelin' fukin mad

And if you tries to fuk with me i'll get you beaten up by my dad

'big shout out to woody who sold me the draw, johnny seko(?), all the crew, fukin' safe'

'big shout out to carl from risker, he sold me the fukin' draw, he's safe, oh, and charlotte as well, in fukin' scarletts, wicked'

'shout to mad keith who sold me the fukin' speed and the draw, you knows it, he can fukin' sort you out'

'yo man, shouts to terry smithser(?) who got me 39 ounces of weed in under half an hour! you knows it!'

Pig: that white wrapping is exhibit mac1, it is a piece of paper containing amphetamine, or what you believe to be amphetamine

Chorus -

It ain't no joke, it's a poor mans coke

I got busted by the law while i was havin' a toke

It ain't no joke, it's a poor mans coke

I got busted by the law while i was havin' a toke

Knows it...glc...

2000ad, aka two hats, you see

Got busted for takin' the fukin' ecstasy

Gurning like a bitch, be on coke if i was rich

But i gotta go to the toilets cos i got a bit of an itch

I takes the drugs but i don't have fights

So why did the bastards read me my rights?

Pig: you bought it in tj's last friday for five pounds and you were going to use it for your own personal possession, is that correct?