Self Suicide

Intro - i'm gonna lie on my back and you put your fingers down my mouth right, no, no do it right, like aaugh uuuugh! i'm gonna do a jimi hendrix, ..eeuuughh....i'm gonna be sick in my sleep, euuugh...aaauugh ugh!

I tries to do it proper but kept comin' up a cropper

I needs some hype i think i'll ram raid happy shopper

Haven't got a car so i use a space hopper

Bouncing to the window, cut my head, show stopper

I want a hundred fans, 200 teeny boppers

I want police protection from 87 coppers

I wanna go gold even better platinum

If you wanna be a star you gotta kill yourself, man

It's the truth step back, take a look around

Elvis is dead for being fat - 500 pound

Kurt cobain's rich as fcuk he's buried in the ground

Jimi hendrix and his amp still ain't makin' no sound

Michael hutchence, he's one of 'em too

Made a hundred million quid dying tossing on the loo

S u i c i d e ...it might be messy but it's money for free

Suicide is painless or so it has been said

I could've killed myself but i'd be better off dead

So i took a deep breath, put a gun against my head

Pulled the trigger, click, should've been eating lead

But i wasn't, i was naked in john frost square

Mothers with pushchairs stopped and stared

For this situation i was quite unprepared

Tried suicide to be famous but nobody cared

Committing suicide to enhance my career

It worked for mickey and tupac shakir

Jesus was nailed up to some wood

2000 years later and book sales are still good

I heard in a song suicide is painless

And it's 80% sure to make you famous

W4nking with a bag on yer head tied to a door

That bloke from inxs he knew the score

S u i c i d e ...it might be messy but it's money for free

S u i c i d e ...it might be messy but it's money for free

I gotta kill myself, i gotta do's it quick

John entwistle sly, he was snorting arsenic

I keep taking all this coke to make me die

Doin' more drugs than they make in fcukin' ici

It's the best way to go, don't think me dull

I'm not gonna fall off the roof like the flid rod hull

We want people to sing all our songs

And the nuns at saint joseph's rappin' on smokin' bongs

We wanna be remembered when we're six feet under

For hip-hoppin' not robins fukin' beatings or plunder

At the moment i'm not dead like david kampasey

Double platinum means you gotta be pushin' up daisies

Dad's army's all dead, every last one

But the c*nts are still going on bbc1

Yeah that's right i smoke draw from wales

Suicide's a good idea to improve vinyl sales

It's useless, it's crap, i'll never be in the sun

How can i be a pop star when i can't buy a gun?

Jimmy morrison overdosed in the bath

I know, i'll hang myself with my scarf

Tied to the stairs, dangling by my neck

The cord length i forgot to check

Stuck it for a week, unable to shriek

The landlord found me and he called me a freak

He cut me down and started to laugh

'if you're dead next week gimme your autograph'

You know i thanked him, returned to my room

The new plan is to go out with a boom

To the station, with a petrol can

Five pound please, i say to the man

All set up and ready to burn

The wheel on my lighter just won't turn

Suicide is a suicyclebbbl

Suicide is a suicyclebbbl

Suicide is a suicyclebbbl............i wanna be famous after i die

Proven fact, man, if you're dead you sell more

That drummer from def leppard, his arm has made 30 times more than he has

You know our elvis? well, he's dead famous now and he's dead and he's fa.. he's more famous now like

He's dead like you know, that's what it's all about like

It's fcukin' simple economics

They reckon bob marley's dead but he's not, man, coz he was on the tv last night, man

Just don't lie to me, man

I thought i was havin' a go at an overdose, but i i i don't think you can overdose on beechams flu plus

I think one of the blokes off of dads army is still alive, i think he's bumming martin in eastenders innit?

I'll get the ropes, and we'll tie them to the walls, and we all jump off at the same time and break our necks and we'll make at least 13 quid and you knows we'll be famous like fcukin' ghandi or like the bloke off that sex film we seen