Beautiful

September 1st, 1989

Dear diary

I believe I'm a good person

You know, I think that there's good in everyone, but

Here we are! First day of senior year! And uh

I look around at these kids that I've known all my life

And I ask myself: What happened?

(Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!)

We were so tiny

Happy and shiny

Playing tag and getting chased

(Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!)

Singing and clapping

Laughing and napping

Baking cookies

Eating paste

(Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!)

Then we got bigger

That was the trigger

Like the huns invading rome

(Oh, sorry!)

Welcome to my school

This ain't no high school

This is the thunderdome

Hold your breath and count the days

We're graduating soon

(White trash!)

College will be paradise

If I'm not dead by June!

But I know, I know

Life can be beautiful

I pray, I pray

For a better way

If we changed back then

We could change again

We can be beautiful

(Ow!) Just not today

Hey, are you okay?

(Get away, nerd)

Oh, okay

(Freak! Slut! Cripple!)

(Homo! Homo! Homo!)

Things will get better soon as my letter

Comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown

Wake from this coma, take my diploma

Then I can blow this town

Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky french cafés

(Watch it!)

Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!

(Ooooops)

Ram sweeney

Third year as linebacker and eighth year

Of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick

(What did you say to me, skank?)

Aah, nothing!

But I know, I know (I know, I know)

Life can be beautiful (beautiful)

I pray, I pray (I pray, I pray)

For a better way (for a better way)

We were kind before (oooh)

We can be kind once more (oooh)

We can be beautiful

(Oooh, beautiful)

Agh! Hey, Martha

(Hey)

Martha Dunnstock

My best friend since diapers

(We on for movie night?)

Yeah, you're on jiffy pop detail

(I rented The Princess Bride)

Ho-ho-ho, again?

Wait, don't you have it memorized by now?

(What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending)

Martha Dumptruck!

Wide load!

Kurt Kelly, quarterback

He is the smartest guy on the football team

Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf

(Alright!)

Hey! Pick that up! Right now!

(I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?)

Yes, I am

I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend

You're a high school has-been waiting to happen

A future gas station attendant

(You have a zit right there)

Dear diary

Why

(Why do they hate me?)

(Why don’t I fight back?)

(Why do I act like such a creep?)

Why

(Why won’t he date me?)

(Why did I hit him?)

(Why do I cry myself to sleep?)

Why

(Somebody hug me!)

(Somebody fix me!)

(Somebody save me!)

(Send me a sign, God!)

(Give me some hope, here!)

(Something to live for!)

(Ahh! Heather, Heather, and Heather!)

And then there's the Heathers

They float above it all

(I love Heather, Heather, and Heather)

(I hate Heather, Heather, and Heather)

Heather McNamara

Head cheerleader, her dad is loaded

He sells engagement rings

(I want Heather, Heather, and Heather)

Heather Duke

Runs the yearbook, no discernible personality

But her mom did pay for implants

(I need Heather, Heather)

And Heather Chandler

The almighty

She is a mythic bitch

They're solid teflon

Never bothered

Never harassed

I would give anything to be like that

(Mmm)

I'd like to be their boyfriend

(That would be beautiful, mmm)

If I sat at their table, guys would notice me

(So beautiful, oooh)

I'd like them to be nicer

(That would be beautiful, ooh)

I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked

In an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rats

Grow up, Heather, bulimia is so '87

Maybe you should see a doctor, heather

Yeah, Heather, maybe I should

Ah, Heather and Heather

And Heather

Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting

You're late for class

(Heather wasn't feeling well, we're helping her)

Not without a hall pass, you're not, week's detention

Um, actually, Ms. Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass

Yearbook committee

I see you're all listed

Hurry up and get where you're going

(This is an excellent forgery, who are you?)

Uh, Veronica sawyer, I crave a boon

(What boon?)

Hmm, let me sit at your table, at lunch

Just once, no talking necessary

If people think that you guys tolerate me

Then they'll leave me alone

Before you answer

I also do report cards

Permission slips

And absence notes

How about prescriptions?

Shut up, Heather

Sorry, Heather

For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure

And a symmetrical face

If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull

I'd have matching halves

That's very important

Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds

And ya know, ya know, ya know?

This could be beautiful

Mascara, maybe some lip gloss

And we're on our way

Get this girl some blush

And Heather, I need your brush

Let's make her beautiful

Let's make her beautiful

Let's make her beautiful

Make her beautiful

(Okay?)

Okay!

Out of my way, geek!

(I don't want trouble)

You're gonna die at 3PM!

(Don't you dare touch me!)

(Get away, pervert!)

(What did I ever do to them?)

Who could survive this?

I can't escape this!

I think I'm dying!

Who's that with Heather?

Whoa!

(Heather, Heather, Heather)

And someone!

(Heather, Heather, Heather)

And a babe!

(Heather, Heather, Heather)

Veronica?!

(Veronica? Veronica? Veronica?)

And you know, you know, you know (oooh!)

Life can be beautiful (aah! Beautiful!)

You hope, you dream, you pray (oooh!)

And you get your way (aah!)

Ask me how it feels (beautiful!)

Lookin' like hell on wheels (ooohhhh!)

My God, it's beautiful (aaahhh! Beautiful!)

I might be beautiful (beautiful!)

And when you're beautiful (aaah!)

It's a beautiful frickin' day!

Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!

Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!

Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!

Veronica!