Coffee

Marcy

If I added cream to your coffee,

You’d have a panic attack.

Just add a little cream,

Just a little dab of cream

Austin

No

Marcy

That’s why you take your coffee black.

Oh, look at you and your thermos.

Austin

What?

Marcy

The one over there on the floor.

Did you bring it from home?

You brought it from home?

You had it when you walked through the door!

Austin

Big deal!

I know how I like my coffee

‘Cause I’ve got ways I get things done.

I could sit here and list ‘em

‘Cause I’ve got a system

And maybe it’s not crazy fun

But it works for me and my coffee.

It moves me right along

There’s a neat logic to it

It’s just how I do it.

If you think that it’s stupid,

You’re wrong.

So marcy, if you don’t mind, I really am incredibly busy right now…

Marcy

Freeze…

Austin

What?

Marcy

Say cheese!

Austin

So how do you take your coffee?

Marcy

Well that depends on when

Austin

What?

Marcy

I ask the barista,

It’s up to the barista

Austin

Don’t ever say ‘barista’ again.

Doesn’t he find out your favorites?

Oooo, doesn’t that hurt your device?

Marcy

No, he never does,

You know why he never does?

I never go to the same place twice.

Austin

What?

Marcy

I never go to the same place twice!

Austin

Yeah… but….

Marcy

‘Cause I know how I like my coffee.

And I’ve got ways to keep things new.

I am always exploring,

So life’s never boring,

Well, not as boring as you.

So being ‘crazy with coffee’

Is a useful skill to hone.

You don’t have to derive it.

Perhaps if you tried it,

You wouldn’t be drinking alone.

Austin

I’m going to get katherine back.

Marcy

Austin, she’s going to thing you’re insane.

Austin (on the phone)

Katherine,

Hi…

I’m fine.

Listen, I know things have been tough, I just want to say something:

Life is like a pickle.

It starts off smooth,

With no imperfections.

But as it ages,

Surrounded by other pickles,

It becomes something pregnant women crave.

And it craves them.

I love you.

Okay, sure, fine. Alright, yeah.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Okay.

Bye.

(To marcy)

I’m sorry I made fun of your coffee.

You’re right, I’m wrong.

You’re smart, I’m dumb.

Oh, please be my cupid,

I’m hopeless, I’m stupid.

I’m worthless, no, I’m scum.

Marcy

And also you’re covered with coffee.

Austin

I know…

Marcy

Stop flipping out, it’s all okay.

This isn’t that tragic.

I’ll help you,

I’m magic!

You just need to do what I say.

Austin

Huh. I cannot believe you!

Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you! thank you!

Marcy

I’ll call you tomorrow?

Austin

I am going to write you a thank you card like you have never read.