What I've Become

I used to punish myself for existing

Thought friends were waiting for the day I went missing

I pushed them back with my thoughts

Convinced that I was hated, I just reaped what a saught

Imagined anger in jokes

So every time they poked I shot back unprovoked

It's not the way that I am

But that's what self hatred can do to a man

Let alone a man who doesn't want to be one

Let alone a kid who thinks his life lacks reason

Let alone a loner loser losing all his day-ones

Everyday I wake up and rue what I have become