Anxiety

I swear every day is something different

Death and helplessness feeling so empty

I trade my what if's for others

Like what if my illness was more than just wonders

I’m sick of being sick of me

Grit my teeth, weaken the knees

I can only run for so long before I trip and see

That I can’t change my outcome

My mind constantly races

I wish I could live without one

I’m my own worst enemy and that’s a reality

I take the smallest thing and turn it into tragedy

A sip of coffee to wake up

But caffeine rattles my brain like I’m insane

But... I guess that’s just my makeup

I used to live care free, but now I’m so scared, please

Just leave me the fuck alone

Not anybody in general, but my own body, the temple

My insides like catacombs

Find my way through the dark to be back at home

The place I was taken from without consent

Only to be returned broken and bent

I can’t even be comfortable when I’m at ease

I create a storm from a gentle breeze

Why am I like this? Where did it come from?

It’s like most of me is in the penumbra

I fight to feel the rays but I’m trapped in the overcast

I pray for clarity, but I haven’t prayed in ages

If I end up in hell it’s probably better

Than what I face on a daily basis

I can’t even escape it on vacations

I try to relax but only relapse into another attack

Nothings in tact

I can’t hold it together

I’m slowly sinking on this endeavour