Black Winter Day

Yeah, most of my adult life I've been torn into two

If you love me, then I love you and this song is for you

It's tight hard when you know what you said

And your shorty seein' you as an emotional wreck

The closer I get, it's like the farther I feel

And my heart has turned into this heavy armor and steel

It's hard to be real, hard to listen to the dumb shit

And I take a lot of pills 'cause it numbs shit

I wish I had another path to follow

Wish that I could be a man and learn to pass the bottle

A graphic novel, my future a box or an urn

Havin' dreams about death, but I'm not that concerned

And I'm diseased, through the seasons they turn

Watchin' leaves from the trees turn disease and they burn

I'm eager to learn, but I'm holdin' my breath

And everyday alive is just another closer to death

Yeah, I've been alive longer then I expected to be

And took care of everything that's expected of me

Took care of my girl and my mother

I told her that I'm always here and I love her

I handle shit differently 'cause I'm grown now

And the truth is that I'd rather be alone now

I'd rather not have to deal with the day

And I hate when people ask me how I'm feelin' today

My brother Rasul, we had a beef and grudge

But we grew up together, cousin, so it's peace and love

I wish all the best, I wish all the shine

I wish I didn't wanna offer my thoughts with a nine

I'm thoughtful and kind, but I'm evil alas

But everything I love has turned to a tedious task

I feel that life a waiting game for people to pass

But nobody ever want you to see through the mask

Yeah, I don't wanna be a burden to y'all

I just wanna know exactly what my purpose is for

I feel like nothin' I do is ever right

And that I'm actin' a fool another night

And I admit, I don't take care of myself

So I do a lot of thinkin' and preparing myself

'Cause the fact is my father died young and I might, too

And it ain't any way to tell what I might do

I don't wanna leave my mother behind

I don't want for her to cry, because the struggle is mine

I don't want for her to grind no more

I don't want for her to work a 9-to-5 no more

I ain't have to work a fuckin' 9-to-5 before

So I'm tryin' to get this money to provide for y'all

And if the shit ain't work out and I'm suddenly gone

Just remember that the motherfuckin' love isn't gone

Pazman