She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft

Well, I guess it was back in '63

When eatin' my cookin' got the better of me

So I asked this little girl I was goin' with to be my wife

Well, she said she would, so I said "I do"

But I'da said I wouldn't if I'da just knew

How sayin' "I do" was gonna screw up all of my life!

Well, the first few years weren't all that bad -

I'll never forget the good times we had

'Cause I'm reminded every month when I send her the child support

Well, it wasn't too long till the lust all died

And I'll admit I wasn't too surprised

The day I come home and found my suitcase sittin' out on the porch

Well, I tried to get in - she changed the locks!

Then I found this note taped on the mailbox

That said, "Goodbye, turkey! My attorney will be in touch!" Mm-hmm

So I decided right then and there

I's gonna do what's right - give her her fair share

But brother - I didn't know her share's gon' be THAT much!

She got the gold mine! She got the gold mine!

I got the shaft. I got the shaft

They split it right down the middle

And then they give her the better half

Well, it all sounds sorta funny

But it hurts too much to laugh

She got the gold mine - I got the sha-a-aft

Now, listen - you ain't heard nothin' yet

Why, they give her the color television set

Then they give her the house, the kids, and both of the cars! See?

Well, then they start talkin' 'bout child support

Alimony, and the cost of the court -

Didn't take me long to figure out how far in the toilet I was!

I'm tellin' ya, they have made a mistake

'Cause it adds up to more than this cowboy makes!

Besides; everything I ever had worth takin', they've already took!

While she's livin' like a queen on alimony

I'm workin' two shifts eatin' baloney

Askin' myself, "Why didn't you just learn how to cook?"

They give her the gold mine! She got the gold mine!

They give me the shaft. I got the shaft

They said they're splittin' it all down the middle

But she got the better half

Well, it all sounds mighty funny

But it hurts too much to laugh

She got the gold mine - I got the sha-a-aft

Well, she got the gold mine! She got the gold mine!

I got the shaft. I got the shaft

They split it all down the middle

And then they give her the better half

Well, I guess it all sounds funny, Hoo, hoo, hoo, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

But it hurts too much to laugh

She got the gold mine - I got the sha-a-aft

(They ain't kiddin' me - I got the shaft)

Well, I don't have to worry 'bout totin' a billfold n'more

Hahahahaha

I let my wife tote it; I'mon' be carryin' food stamps -

You get it, judge? I'mon' be… Just… Hahahaha

Ah, it's not funny, huh? Huh? Huh?

Contempt of court? Whaddaya mean?

Listen, judge: I's just kiddin'!