Ladies In Drag (Foreword By Fred Schneider)

Oh Jesus, Brenda

Let me tell you about this cabaret show

I saw last night

My God, what a piece of campy trash

The lights dim, this drag queen, I forget her name

Dean Monsen or I don't know

Comes out, ratted hair, gothic makeup, slutty outfit

She was the worst! And her piano player

Gave me a headache

This girl was all comedy and no glamour

I tell you it's one of the biggest pieces of crap

I've ever have to endure

I'd like to propose a toast

Here's to the ladies in drag, everybody clap

Covered in makeup to hide all our sags; spilling cocktails in our lap

Off to a show or to a party, worried we're fat

And looking low, while sipping Bacardi, adjusting our hat

'Cause let's face it, does anyone but a drag queen still wear a hat?

I'll drink to that

And here's to the girls who stay smart, aren't they a gasp?

Rushing to their classes in performance art, knowing they won't pass

Another long, exhausting night, the drag scene can be risky

You lose a heel, get in a fight

Thank God for cheap well whiskey

I'll drink to that

And one for RuPaul

And here's to the girls who wear crowns; aren't we too much?

Running around in our high heels and gowns, thinking we're in touch

The ones who follow the rules and use the appropriate tools

Too gorgeous to care if we're fools

Aren't they a gem? I'll drink to them!

Let's all drink to them!

And here's to the girls who just watch, aren't they the best?

When they get depressed it's a bottle of scotch, plus a little jest

Another chance to disapprove, another brilliant singer

Another reason not to move, another vodka stinger

I'l drink to that!

And here's to the girls in the show, everybody thrive

Look into our eyes and you'll see what we know, everybody dies!

A toast to this invincible crew! The divas in size 15 shoes

Let's hear it for the girls with updos

Everybody rise!

Rise!

Rise!