Listening To My Penis

I have to stop listening to my penis, listening to my penis,

That's when I would be a genius, if I'd stop listening to my penis,

I should be studying and working hard,

My future depends on this bizarre

Why am I standing in this noisy club?

With people I hate? What the fuck?

This doesn't make sense, I hate this place,

12 Dollar drinks and a shitty DJ,

Abnoxious douchebags and easy girls (Oh yeah, that's why I'm here… the easy girls)

I can't believe that it's come to this,

To all this just to come is ridiculous

I know I sound sexist but I'm a feminist,

But the problem's my dick is an idiot,

And when it comes to arguments he always wins,

Rationality cannot compete with orgasms,

I lost my train of thought; this girl's so hot,

Here I go again, I have to stop

Listening to my penis, listening to my penis,

That's when I would be a genius, if I'd stop listening to my penis

I hate this girl; why am I talking to her?

She's a horrible person but my mind's a blur,

Coz she's wearing a skirt and a push-up bra,

God damn her wearing that push-up bra,

My mind keeps telling me to walk away,

"Jon just go home and masturbate,

Don't waste your money and your time

With this really busy girl that you don't even like"

But my dick is like "Hey, I'm here to stay,

You gonna do everything that I say,

First get her drunk, then it will be easier,

If she wants to dance, then fucking dance with her"

But I hate this music and I hate dancing,

There's no way I can afford all these drinks,

"Hey, do what you have to do to get me inside,

You know very well that you can't win this fight"

So five minutes later I'm on the dancefloor,

Dancing to …. Man I hate that hoe,

I hate myself and I hate my cock,

Coz it's hard as a rock and I have to stop

Listening to my penis, listening to my penis,

That's when I would be a genius, if I'd stop listening to my penis

Stumble out of the bar is to win the moaning,

Dead on the inside, but still horny,

I'm trying to get this girl back to her place,

But she says she's hungry, so I have to wait,

Now I'm in a diner, it's almost three,

She's talking 'bout her cat and reality TV,

I really should just go home and go to sleep,

But a goddamn … just staring at me,

I just wanna spend a little time in there,

Which reminds me of a quote my Voltaire,

Anything just stupid to be spoken and sung

And I've been singing a lot since I have begun

Listening to my penis, listening to my penis,

That's when I would be a genius, if I'd stop listening to my penis

So I'm back at her place, four a.m.,

Finally playtime begins,

All my hard work is about to pay off,

But all of a sudden there is a knock,

On the door, she starts to freak out,

Tells me she thought her boyfriend was outta town,

He kicks the door down,

I jump out the window,

I didn't even have the time to grab my clothes,

So I'm running like a motherfucker down the street,

Fully erect and still horny,

I finally give in, this has to stop,

So I hide in some bushes and start to jerk off,

I'm almost done, when I see flash and light,

It's a SWAT car just appears outta the night,

I try to run and that's when I cum,

I'm surrounded by cops on the break of dawn,

See this is what happens when you listen to your dick,

You become an irrational, insane prick,

Now I'm sitting in the cell, ashamed and naked,

How the fuck will I explain this to my wife and kid?