Political Compass Rap

Hi, I'm totalitarian right

I'm the voice of the people, if the people are white

Don't mean to get up in your face, but we're getting replaced

Culture war now, let's win this race

Okay, uh, fifteen dollars, right?

That's one dollar for every year that she's been alive

Well, uh, I keep telling you, it's not pedophilia

It's ephebophilia, oh, she's only fourteen?

Guess it is pedophilia

Still, it's one dollar off, right?

Oh! Hi, I'm anarchist right

I don't believe in a state, none of this might makes right

I think market forces should guide the world

And if there's a market for it, I should be able to buy this girl

(Thirteen dollars, fifty-cents, final offer)

Ugh, you two make me sick

I am the proletariat

You two capitalist pigs will get round up and shot

And I will speak for the weak whether they want me to or not

I am totalitarian left

My side is the best

I realize the last five times we tried this, we all starved to death

But I have a really good feeling about the next

I'm anarchist left, and, oh, fuck

This is not the place for me

How do all these ideologies suck so much?

Anyone want some dmt?

Ehh, I'll have some! Here! Eww, not for free!

How do you expect to stimulate the economy?

Okay, first things first, fuck you!

Wha-wha, what did I do?

And second, you want to crush people through the state

I mean, да, sure, the state is great!

You claim to want equality, but how can that be

When the state is controlling how equal you can be?

And third, fuck you! Ha

And fourth, you're not even an anarchist, dude!

You expect to keep the people in line without a state? Please!

At least the three of us aren't contradictory

What, this guy claims to be an anarchist, but fetishizes cops!

Hey, if cops can be bought, then cops are great

They're only bad when they're used as tools of the state

Ugh, clearly you're the side most deserving of hate

Are you fucking kidding me? There's a nazi in the northeast!

I do not-see what you mean! Haha, this guy's a treat!

(What the fuck?!) stop whining about tyranny

You'll never achieve anything with anarchy

I only keep you around 'cause you shut their speech down

There should be no platform for government or nazis!

Ahh, there the left goes again threatening my free speech

I just want you to hear my important ideas

I'm not gonna listen to a fucking nazi!

I'm not a nazi, that's simply untrue

Though I will say, not a big fan of the jews

Uh, globalists, he means globalists

What? No, I don't! Work with me here!

You're clearly a nazi!

I'm more of a race-realist white identitarian

Who believes in strong government, sure, totalitarian

But I don't want genocide, I just want an ethnostate

What if people don't want to leave?

Then we have a genocide and it's great!

Ah, this is why I can't associate with you!

Agreed, come near me, and it's world war 2 two!

We both know there's a pipeline between you and me!

And you seem embarrassed by how much we agree!

And all you do is complain, you goddamn hippie!

You think everyone can just get along

But the truth is ruthless, you're ruled by the strong!

Exactly, which is why we need to stop

This wanton destruction of capitalist rot

You send your workers to die in early graves

The working class are your working slaves

Wait, what's wrong with slaves? Slaves are fine!

Listen, dude, this is not the time

Why do you think we need a state to do it?

Yeah, don't tread on me, man! Ah, screw it!

Why are you like this? Why are you on my team?

Oh, I'm sorry, did you forget?

Everything you have is made by capitalists

It's not a state, it's cold hard cash

That builds your roads and feeds your cats (ree!)

Everything you're saying is utter bullshit

It's not a system of oppression just because you're bad at it!

It is! You perpetuate a racist system

Capitalism is feudalism

Is colonialism is racism!

Hey, what's wrong with racism? Please, shut the fuck up!

Okay, there you go again, saying I see race

How can you say that shit with a straight face?

The only color that I see is green

Greed is the only way to true equality

Uh, capitalism is destroying mother earth!

You fascists prioritize human life under net worth!

There the left goes again, calling everyone fascist!

Yeah, it's very hurtful! You're actually fascist!

See, this is what happens when you don't have a state

Everyone just degenerates

That's right, wait, why am I agreeing with you?

Your ideologies killed millions! Nein! Okay, true, but I

Didn't mean it! At least the people I kill are people I'm trying to

The only people that you kill is you

Says the person whose hero put a bullet through his brain

Come here, fascist scum, feel some communist pain!

Guys, guys, centrist here

All of this extremism is causing me fear

Isn't there something everyone

Can just find together and agree on?

Not with them, they are the first to go!

I'm not engaging in discourse with these people!

There's no way I'm getting along with them!

Come on, there must be something

I mean, think about it, the supporters of

All of you guys have anime profile pictures

That's degenerate, but yes, they do

See? Isn't that enough to bond the four of you?

Get out of here you neoliberal scum!

Yeah, go preach peace to someone

I bet this cuck watches mainstream news

Ugh, who the fuck watches mainstream news?

Wait, you guys hate the centrists too?

I thought it was just me that thought that centrists were shit

But I guess we all hate the moderates!

You all still get the bullet though!

Can we get the gas chambers prepared for these three?

I am still going to bash all of your skulls in!

I keep telling you, it's ephebophilia!