Smear of Red

I grew up in a ghetto

That was only one house wide

With smiling suburbs all around

And poverty inside

The oldest of an army

That the church was proud to claim

And on the brink of womanhood

I almost lost my name

And I was

Quivering in my fever-life

Wishing that I was dead

Suddenly realizing they were

Talking over my head

Learning to speak their double-talk

Facing each day with dread

Waiting waiting waiting waiting

Waiting for that first smear of red

For God was my delirium and sisterhood my goal

But my church began to wonder

If the commies had a soul

And the day I saw a bishop

With an M-1 in his hand

Was the last day of my life

Beneath hypocrisy?s command

But I was..

My wishes all said "Woman"

But my body answered "Child"

My life was just a little odd

My outlook warped and wild

I told my inhibitions

They would fall away someday

The ghosts of them still haunt me

And I cannot run away

But I was--

I've had my turn as maiden, a longer one than most

And I have been a mother

For two girls, one boy, one ghost

I'm looking toward my future

And my chance to be the crone

But although my life is crowded

I am doing this alone

And now I'm

Quviering in my fever-life

Wishing that time was dead

Suddenly realizing that I'm

Talking over your head

Throwing away the double-talk

Hanging on by a thread

Waiting waiting waiting waiting

Waiting for that last smear of red