No Booty Call

Hello?

hey it's your ex.

it's one in the morning what the hell do you want?

baby I'm horny

oh, what are you saying, you want to get together?

i want you to come over all dressed up in leather

like you used to do

back in '02

you give me nice dreams

make me want to scream ooh, ooh, ooh

that's not happening again, that was back then

and now i'm interested in bigger and better men

no booty calls!

deck.

no booty calls!

deck.

that's not happening!

aw, Kelly, i still got it goin on

i know you're hot to trot, and i'm warm for your form

wow, with cliches like that i'm really torn

your game is played, go back to your porn

you start me up, you make a dead man come

then you can just drop dead, cause you ain't gettin some

what happened to the freak who used to rock my world?

well, the freak's still here, but she's not your girl

you broke up with ME

i made a mistake

so why don't you just ask me out on a date?

uh, cuz, uh, tonight's fate

please

no booty calls!

deck.

no booty calls!

that's not happening!

remember when i hit it in the parking lot

outside of IHOP?

yeah, that was so hot

thank you, i'm flattered, but it doesn't matter

i remember that you threw up in the pancake batter

you've got a problem, you're drunk all the time

are even you sure that this phone number's mine?

uhhh...yeah, i...wait, what?

if that confused you, i'm gonna have to lose you

go back to first grade and get yourself a Blue's clue

i don't even know whatever made me choose you

cuz we're good together

but i can do better

no one makes you wetter

buddy, you're like cheddar

CHEESY! (white cheddar)

you know, i moved out my moms, and i got my own crib

that's funny, that's just where you belong, in a crib

you sayin i'm your baby?

i'm sayin you're a baby

i'm not hearin yes or no, i'm hearin maybe

well, get your hearing checked cuz you can't play me

if i'm a player, hate the game, don't hate me

that's not how that phrase goes

i know, but you just turn me on baby from my head to my toes

jesus christ, could you at least be original?

if game was the truth then yours would be fictional

baby, i got style and i got class

i got a brand new boot for your ass

no booty calls!

deck.

aw, come on, baby!

no, no booty calls!

deck.

that's not happening!

hey Kelly from the block

i don't just talk the talk

i walk the walk and i know you like my c--!

hey johnny come lately

don't discombobulate me

if you want some of this you have to properly date me

you mean wine and dine? that's a waste of time

i can spend five dollars and still get mine

since that's probably all you have, let me buy you a hint

how's this: go stuff your peehole with a junior mint

baby all i want to do is make you sweat

let me be Romeo to your Juliet

OK, drink some poison and i'll stab myself

you'd know that story if you ever took a book off a shelf

i don't need no book

double negative, so you do

my dick's hard, look

that's pejorative, so rude

i don't understand all these big words you use

i don't need big words cause i got big shoes

verbally you're a moron, sexually you're a cling on

i'm more mature now, i need a mental turn on

baby i got brains, in my underwear,

my dick equals mc squared BOOM!

you need to go back to physics class

the only brain in your pants is your head up your ass

check that, you know, you could be right

cuz you do come faster than the speed of light

you must admit i got a load like a stallion

i skeet skeet on with my creamy italian

ew, what am i to you, a salad bar?

you like to skeet so much, i need a dick sneeze guard!

you want some tonight?

i want some never

that's not what you said back when we were together

well, that's not happening again,

that was back then

and now i'm interested in smarter, employed men

no booty calls!

deck.

no booty calls!

that's not happening

no booty calls, deck, sorry

oh, come on, baby! you know i treat you right

no, don't interrupt me, no booty calls!

oh, we back on that again!

yeah, we are, because i don't want one

don't you want to check out my new stereo?

i don't think so

i know you'll like it

whatever

come on, baby, come over

no, this phone conversation's over.