Suit Fugue (Dance Of The A&R Men)

Hi, john, it's mel from meglaphone

I've been listening to your tape for the 19th time

Oh that's another call - can i call you?

Back when i was in a band we used to sound like this

And i loved your songs, they reminded me of myself

You sound like air supply meets gwar

In a good way; here's my other number

Can you wait for just a sec -

That's another call coming in, i'll get back to you

Have my girl take your information

Hi, john, it's guy from groan-o-phone

Heard some talk about the band and the way you sing

I really think it's great - can we make a

Deal with me, call me a friend, we'll be a family

You're a talented individual

If you sign here on the dotted line… that's good

And my nephew will be your producer

Yo, john, it's bill from biddybum

Word is traveling around that you've got some tunes

We will not be outbid -

Radio is in the bag, we own the chart

They will not add your song

Without checking with our promotion staff, now we

Hi, john, it's shep from shinola

We should really do a lunch

Quite a tape indeed - my secretary flipped

You're a genius

My name is johnny virgil

(hammer hammer hammer hammer)

I play this here guitar

(schmooze schmooze schmooze schmooze)

I play it for myself

(patronize, patronize, pass the buck, pass the buck)

(weadle weadle weadle weadle, sell sell sell sell)

Can we speak candidly?!

Got hands that move like clockwork

(hammer hammer hammer hammer)

A voice that carries far

(schmooze schmooze schmooze schmooze)

Got a love for nothing else

(patronize, patronize, pass the buck, pass the buck)

(weadle weadle weadle weadle, sell sell sell sell)

Let's be spontaneous!

Hi, jack, it's al from a&r

You don't really need the band they are in the way

We only wanted you anyway so

Dump the band, you are the face

You better wise up fast

This is not a game - we're professionals

Did i mention that you won't be out this year

Cannot be helped - go take a vacation

One more thing that you should know

We're all counting on you to be

Our new golden boy

Lots of lives and jobs in the balance

Virgil, it's pete, your president

Calling to congratulate you on your fine choice

You must be very proud, so are we

I'm sure your music is terrif although i must admit

I don't listen to much of any thing

Did i mention that i used to have a band?

I have to run, been great talking to you

Hi, joe, about publicity

Thought about the photo op with the cripple

No, we need a sharper hook - like a scandal

Maybe you could rape a nun

Or better still a priest

Some androgyny could be interesting, shall we?

Hi, jim, it's val from video

Who decided on your hair?

Can we cut it off?

We'd like to see a buzz bin rotation

My name is johnny virgil

(weasel weasel weasel weasel, lie lie lie lie)

I play this here guitar…

(pacify, pacify, jack you off, jack you off)

Ah, fuck it

(shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle, yawn yawn yawn yawn)

Are you a priority!

My name is johnny virgil

(weasel weasel weasel weasel, lie lie lie lie)

I'm gonna be a star

(pacify, pacify, jack you off, jack you off)

And this is how it's done

(shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle, yawn yawn yawn yawn)

Do you want a hit of this?