Dependence

sometimes it feels like

i'm wasting away

in this life

i've taken a hand full of pills

but i'm still here

and i don't know why

i wish that i could say

i'd like to think that

it means i'll find my purpose someday

and i've been cheated on

i've been turned into dust

i've been stomped so hard by deception and mistrust

but i'm still alive and my heart is beating

and i know that every love i've encountered

is fleeting

and every time i crack that seal

the bottles opened and i feel

that i've found a release

like it is something

that was specifically

made for me

i know it's not but i like to pretend

i love the idea

that i'm slowly putting my life to an end

and i have dreams with people and situations

i awake screaming some nights

i wonder if it's from all the complications

i'm finding comfort in being alone

it's by far the most prominent feeling

that i've ever known

if i talk to just one stranger a day

it's too much for me

i'd rather stay away

alone in my room

with my music and cold

i love it so much it never seems old

but when a beaming light of a girl appears

all that desolation

turns into fear

and i can't help but feel lost when i find

someone that makes me

completely lose my mind

fearing loneliness i latch onto love

but instead i should flee

like a single white dove

there's no way to replace my mistakes

they continually happen

and eventually replicate

and i drink myself right into the ground

when i've lost

whatever treasure i think i have found

so i try to bury

these thoughts

on paper

but a stiff drink

always

seems safer