Dejection

So it looks like we're at that point again

Where I don't know where to start and where to stop

And I can't decide if it's good or bad or just one of my stupid ideas

That will lead to disappointment.

I always think I have the right answers but I don't.

I can analyse and predict what the fuck I want.

I can have the highest expectations just to lower them

Again and again and again and again and again.

Until I reach that one point when I realize the truth,

The truth which is the most beautiful lie I always tell to myself.

And then there is disappointment

And the thoughts about how much time I wasted

And the loss of my self-confidence.

I want to pack my bag and leave all of this behind me.

I want to lie in my little black hole.

I want to take every word I ever said

And put it back into my mouth just to swallow them all at once.

Thinking back I never did anything of this.

I never stopped doing what I like.

I always made this for fun and I always will.

But now it's really hard to get back on track.

And when I thought that all my misery has come to an end

The next bottle of glass smashed into pieces.

I stepped into the shards and waited for the blood

But I didn't feel anything, no pain or whatsoever.

I always step on so many things.

Callus has formed at the sole of my own two feet but

I still stumble over them.

Once you have broken something you can't break it again.

I'm not sure whether I am really broken or just got used to those things.

Is it really possible to shut down your emotions completely?

Is it good or bad and am I save or in danger from humanity?

Will I ever count as the feeling and caring husband again?

As long as I believe, I can get out of this grief.

I won't be dejected again. Get me out of here!

Fuck