Scientology = WTF?

Party at the church of Scientology!

Let me drop some science on Scientology

L. Ron Hubbard's weird sci-fi philosophy

They cloud theology in top-secrecy

Technology, mythology, and no apology

1952 was when it all began

Started on a bet by a frustrated man

His books weren't selling, so L. Ron thought fast,

He'd start a new religion and make a lot of cash

Alien rulers, past lives, tone scales,

Copy written texts and scary emails

Shutting up the critics, court battles left and right

Mysterious deaths in the middle of the night

Personality tests, E-meters, Narconon,

Time Square recruitment from dusk to dawn

All this from the guy who wrote "Battlefield Earth"

Salvation for a fee, let's see what your soul's worth

There's a place in Florida where you've got friends

We'll help you transcend if you give us those ends

(Party at the church of Scientology!)

Don't call it a cult, you just don't understand

Write us a check and take our hand

(Party at the church of Scientology!)

Actors are a target for their army of elite

They feed their self-esteem and make them feel complete

They mess with their minds, just look at Tom Cruise,

jumping on the couch during Oprah's interviews

John Travolta fights thetans in his Florida estate

piloting his plane, Dianetics books-on-tape

Beck counts past lives in a temple in Bel-Air,

Katie Holmes stays home and plays pregnant solitaire

Isaac Hayes still pays to reach that upper-level state

But left South Park when they hated on his faith

Sonny Bono made donations, should have bought better skis,

Doug E. Fresh recruits haters on the mic as he MCs

Juliette Lewis, Jason Lee, and Chaka Kahn

Because of L. Ron all their money is gone

Chick Corea, Kirstie Alley, and Nancy Cartwright

Host weekly prayer circles under UFO headlines

Once you step into the temple, your troubles will be gone

We'll get you back on track, everybody sing along

(Party at the church of Scientology!)

Don't listen to the lies, you know they're all untrue

So why not come on down, 'cause we're waiting for you!

(Party at the church of Scientology!)

So that's Scientology, P-S-E-U-D-O

R-E-L-I-G-I-O-N you've heard so now you know

They drain your cash fast, so as long as you agree,

You can't put a price on freedom when it's coming C.O.D.

Okay, they ruin lives and it sounds like science fiction

What about Noah's Ark, Jesus and the crucifiction?

Faith is subjective, you can't say who's right or wrong,

Though I'll probably end up missing just for writing this song

Hey did you guys hear that the Easter Bunny's bringing Bigfoot to the meeting tonight?

Stay away!

Stay away!

Stay away from SCIENTOLOGY!

Stay away from SCIENTOLOGY!