Abe Lincoln Vs. Chuck Norris

[Abe Lincoln (Lloyd Ahlquist)]:

Four Score

And 65 years in the past

I won the Civil War with my beard

Now I'm here to whup your ass

I've read up on your facts

You cure cancer with your tears?

Well, tell me Chuck, how come you never sat down

And cried on your career?

You're washed up has been

On TV selling Total Gyms

And you're gonna lose this battle

Like you lost Return of the Dragon

I'll rip your chest hairs out

Put them in my mouth

I'll squash you like I squashed the South

I never told a lie and I won't start now

You're a horse with a limp

I'll put you down

[Chuck Norris (Nice Peter)]:

This isn't Gettysburg, punk

I'd suggest retreating

For I invented Rap music

When my heart started beating

Chuck Norris doesn't battle

He just allows you to lose

My raps will blow your mind

Like a verbal John Wilkes Booth

[Abe Lincoln (Lloyd Ahlquist)]:

I've got my face on a side of a mountain

You voted for John McCain

I've got a bucket full of my head

And I'm about to make it rain

You block bullets with your beard?

I catch them with my skull

I make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger

But I've never even seen that show

[Chuck Norris (Nice Peter)]:

I am Chuck Fucking Norris!

I've spread more blood and gore

Than forty score of your puny Civil Wars, bitch

I split the Union with a Roundhouse Kick

I wear a blackbelt on the beard

That I grow on my dick

I attack sharks when I smell them bleed

I don't go swimming, water just wants to be around me

My fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster

You may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's master!