Mascot Mania

When I was young saw football games

At the great big stadium could tell the fans

From out of town by the clown suits

They had on 20,000 red cowboy hats

Means Cornhuskers to you

Mickey Mouse beans with tiger ears

Shows you cheer ol' Mizzou

Let's not forget the Razorbacks

From the U. of Arkansas with plastic pig snouts

On their heads soon eeeing, "How 'bout them Hawgs?"

That's Mascot Mania, Mascot Mania, Uh-huh, Uh-huh

Mascot Mania, Mascot Mania, Uh-huh, Uh-huh

I work all week at a job I hate

Where everything goes wrong

Weekend's what I live for

To your church I belong

I cross the street in San Francisco

When a chump comes out of a bar

Yellin', "Forty-Fuckin' Niiners, man"

With his gold and red jacket on

In Cleveland throwing dog biscuits

Shows how much ya love them Browns

While Bronco fans just hang their heads

When the Super Bowl comes around

Raider jacket dollars

Got the White Sox wearin' black

Statues of Joe Paterno

Sold in gift shops at Penn State

That's Mascot Mania

Don't make fun of religious rituals in any place

Lord help you if you laugh

While they do this with a straight face

Outside of the United States

It gets even more bizarre

In Tokyo they got a baseball team

They call the Carp

The Salmonnbellies are the pride

Of New Westminster, B.C.

C'mon, Greg Wrckman, what's a Hoosier?

And why do they throw chairs?

When Sudbury, Ontario's

Hockey team scores a goal

They drag a stuffed wolf

Cross the ice a fan shot at it once

That's Mascot Mania

Blue Streak Horned Frogs

Long Horns Trojans

Someone better tell Tipper Gore

'Bout the names of these here teams

Tar Heels Garnecocks Blue Devils

Crimson Tide Real Indians Sick of Redskins

And Tomahawk chops it seems to me that to stay mean

These names should change with time

The New York Muggers, Detroit Murders and Chicago Mob

Boston Bigots, Texas Swindlers and the L.A. Cops

Miami Drugs, New Jersey Dumps take on the Denver Smog

Seattle Fads, New Orleans Hoods Milwaukee Cannibals

San Diego Jarheads and the Arizona Drought

That's Mascot Mania, Uh-huh, Uh-huh

Go Carp, go! Salmonbellies rule! Hit 'em harder cops!

But a hockey team called the Mighty Ducks?

Heads explode when Dallas Oswalds

Meet Washington Bribes

Home team bands play "Cop Killer"

When L.A. comes to town

Pittsburgh Polluters Houston Drive-Bys

Don't stir near the fear

When the Florida Abortion Bombers

Meets the San Francisco Queers

That's Mascot Mania, Uh-huh, Uh-huh

Anywhere ya go the game's the same old thing

Bet your money on the Bribes they always win